Mystery Behind Romance [ONE SHOT]

Twisted Healing

“Sira! Na-miss ka d'yan, hindi ka nga nagparamdam sa akin ng dalawang buwan! ”

Natahimik bigla ang pagitan namin. Nanatiling magkadugtong lamang ang mga tingin at tila walang nais sambitim ang bibig.

I understand exactly why there seems to be melancholy in his eyes. Even his lips have a curvature that my heart doesn't sense.

Suddenly, fear consumes me.

“Troy—”

“Lex—”

Sabay naming sambit.

“You, go ahead first,” pagpapaubaya nito. Kinagat ko ang aking labi at humakbang palapit sa kaniya.

“What's wrong,” I asked.

His still-smiling lips abruptly stop. He met my gaze directly and then used the back of his palm to lightly stroke my face. 

“Bakit bigla kang nawala? ” dugsong ko.

But I was startled out of my stance by his following move. Suddenly, Troy knelt down and started sobbing. His crying trembled on his shoulder. His hands were clasped together as though he were pleading.

“Troy, tumayo ka, ano bang nangyayari? ”I said. Tears that want to fall. That's probably because my heart senses the anguish he's going through right now.

“Lex, I'm sorry,” he said.

“Sorry for what? Troy, just tell me, okay? You don't need to beg, you know I can forgive you,” I said.

Umiling siya at umiiyak na tumungo.

“Hindi, Lex. You won't forgive me this time. I'm sorry.”

“Troy—”

“I'm sorry, Lex, but I failed. I can't fulfill my promise anymore. I impregnated someone.”

Natigilan ako. Ilang kurap na sinubukang gisingin ang sarili, baka sakaling panaginip lang. My already heavy heart began to squeeze suddenly, like the clouds of rain that are currently falling.

As the rain began to pour, I started crying too. leaving the gate campus with both of us drenched in rain. Nobody tries to relocate. We just let the pain that is currently encircling us be enjoyed by the rain.

“Troy, it took you two months to be honest with me,"  I finally said.

“Iniwan mo akong walang kaalam alam kung ano ang nangyari.”

Nang sabihin ko iyon, tuluyan ng nanghina ang mga binti ko. Sumalampak ako sa malamig na semento at hinayaan ang sariling umiyak.

“Troy naman! Bakit! ”I yelled.

Troy can't even afford to look at me. Umiiyak na nakatungo lamang ito. Ngunit hinayaan ko ang sariling isumbat sa kaniya ngayon ang sakit.

“T*ngina naman! Sabihin mong nagbibiro kalang! ”

Tumunghay siya at tiim bagang na umiling. Sinubukan pa niyang hulihin ang mga kamay ko ngunit agad kong inilayo iyon sa kaniya. Suntok, sampal, hampas ang sunod kong ginawa na alam kung wala naring maipakitang lakas. Nanatili lamang siya sa kaniyang pwesto, habang sinasalo ang pananakit ko.

“I'm sorry, Lex.”

"T*nginang, sorry, ‘yan! Magagamot ba n’yan ang sugat sa puso ko ngayon? P*ta, Troy! Alam mo kung gaano ako magpatawad sayo. Alam mong kailan man, hindi kita sinakal, alam mo kung gaano kalaki ang tiwala ko sayo pero...t*ngina wala kang itinira! ”

“You know I can always forgive you. Kahit ilang beses ka pang ma-late sa date natin. Kahit ilang beses mo pang malimutan ang anniversary at birthday ko. Kahit pa dalawang buwan mo akong hindi kinausap, tatanggapin ko! I will always forgive you because I love you not to remember those things, not to be with me all the time. Minahal kita dahil mahal kita. I love you,because I f*cking  understand you!

“Pero sa ginawa mo? Nakuntento ka masyado! Inabuso mo ako! ”

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang damit sa parteng dibdib ko at pasalit-salit na pinapatok iyon.

“Ang sakit, Troy. Paano na ako ngayon? You didn't just break my heart, you also took away my ability to give trust. Paano pa ako maniniwala sa pagmamahal nito? ”

“Patawarin mo ako, Lex. Alam kong malaki ang pagkukulang ko sayo.”

“Pagkukulang? Tsk! Mali ka, Troy. Hindi ka nagkulang. Hindi mo lang talaga ako pinahalagahan.”

Kasabay ng mga katagang iyon ay ang paghigit ko sa aking kwintas. Umiiyak na ikinulong ko iyon ng aking kamay. Mariing pumikit bago lakas loob na kinuha ang kanang kamay niya at inilagay iyon duon.

Tumayo ako at saglit siyang tinitigan.

“Ang tagal kong hinintay sayong maging tapat, pero p*cha yanong sakit pala! Sana hindi nalang kita nakilala! ”

***

In the end, I was correct.

The absence of suffering does not imply closure.

We cannot expect the one who has broken us to pick up those pieces and promise to put us back together. That is not something we can do.

No, actually, we can, and I can.

But why would I choose to do that?

Someone who wields that power and is
capable of destroying me? Why would I give them the task of reconstructing me?

[END]