midnight therapy

coffee for you

I sighed as I deleted the words I typed in my laptop.

I couldn't help but feel frustrated with myself. Wala akong maisip na ni isang konsepto ukol sa isusulat na nobela. Matagal ko nang pinapangarap na maging kilalang manunulat. Ngunit paano ako sisikat kung wala akong husay sa angking abilidad?

I was feeling down in the dumps when someone placed a cup of coffee on my table. Hindi ko na kinakailangan pang tumingala para malaman kung sino iyon.

"Coffee for you," he offered.

I forced myself not to smile as my heart raced and my chest lightened. My eyes were still fixated on the coffee.

"You doing okay there, bud?" Aliester asked. His tone seemed worried.

I bit my tounge before looking up at him. His dreamy eyes, fixed on me, and his serious face made my heart beat faster. He was wearing a black polo shirt layered by his coffee shop's brown uniform, even making him appear more neat.

"I, uhm, yeah . . ." I stuttered, looking away. Silly me, panicking just because of a little crush on my childhood friend. "Ano . . . Thanks . . . Coffee . . . Ano . . ."

Stop it, Rheanyl. Be cool!

"I guess I have to take my fifteen minutes break now," he said as he sat down beside me.

Beside me.

I am calling all the magnificent, holy saints right now to calm my system down. Calm yourself, woman!

"Bud, ano bang pinoproblema mo ngayon?" He pushed the cup of coffee near me, indicating that he wants me to drink it.

Mahinhin ko iyong kinuha, hinihiling na sana'y hindi niya mapansin ang nanginginig kong mga kamay. I sipped it, tasting the right amount of mixed sweetness and bitterness of the coffee.

The coffee he made just for me.

Every time I'm stressed out, he could also feel it. He also knew how to ease it. Coffee. Free coffee, to be specific. Perks of being friends with a barista.

Friends.

Sinaktan ko lang ang sarili ko with the plain truth.

I cleared my throat, placed the cup back, then spoke. "Remember when I told you na magiging sikat akong author in the future?"

He smiled, nodding.

"Well, here I am. Taking the first step of my dream. Writing, of course." I shrugged. Sandali pa akong napasulyap sa laptop kong may blangkong pahina, kaya pati siya ay napasulyap din.

Sa halip na maging masaya dahil sinisimulan ko na ngang abutin ang pangarap ko, frustration lang ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kahit siya ay nagtataka na rin sa kung bakit.

"That's great, bud. What seems to be the conflict?"

I faked a smile. "That I can't write."

As simple as that.

I heard him scoff as if I said something ridiculous. I was about to say something to defend myself to whatever he was about to say. But what he did next caught me off guard.

He gently patted my head, and let his palm rest upon it.

"You're the most creative, witty, cute, little Rheanyl I've known since . . . I don't know. Fetus?" He laughed at his own joke. The way he laughs and how he describes me, secretly made my heart melt. "Alam kong kaya mo dahil mahusay ka. Alam ko ring iniisip mong hindi ka mahusay but you are! That's what I like about you. Kahit na nahihirapan ka, iniisip mong hindi mo kaya, hindi ka pa rin sumusuko. You're good, you'll do good, and you'll be great."

"But . . ."

"You can do it, Rhiany. I believe in you."

I was loss with words. Nabibingi ako sa lakas ng tibok ng aking puso. If we were from someone's point of view here at the coffee shop, we probably looked like statues. Our eyes locked with each other. His hand still on my head. My heart beating so loud, hoping he could hear it, too.

Rhiany.

He called me by my nickname.

The nickname he made for me.

"I . . ."

I couldn't even find the right words to say something. Well, I didn't even know what to say. Tuluyan na nga akong nawalan ng abilidad sa pagsasalita nang marahan niyang inalis ang isa niyang kamay mula sa pagkakapatong sa aking ulo. Pagkatapos ay kinuha at hinawakan niya ang dalawa kong mga kamay, both our hands clasping together.

"You don't have to say anything. Just promise yourself, not me, that you'll never give up thriving and reaching for that dream of yours."

He leaned near me. I knew him too well to conclude that he was not leaning in for a kiss. But a part of me hoped he would. Inipit niya muna ang hibla ng buhok ko sa likod ng aking tenga bago bumulong.

"I'll be waiting for my all-time favorite author's first published book soon. I'll be waiting for you . . ."

I screamed internally.

"You doing okay there, bud?" Aliester asked. His tone seemed playful. "What are you typing? Bakit kanina ka pa nakangiti? May sinusulat ka ba? Oh, bud, are you writing a novel?"

Before he could even take a peek at my laptop, I closed it as quickly as possible. My heart raced with panic and anxiety. He squinted his eyes out of curiosity, half-smirking. I jokingly rolled my eyes at him just to mask the tension I was feeling.

"Tungkol sa ano? Bakit ayaw mong ipabasa sakin? Baka nakakalimutan mong I'm your number one fan mula noon hanggang sa maging sikat ka na in the future," he questioned and argued.

I laughed along with him. "Right. That's why no spoilers allowed, especially for a special fan like you. Abangan mo na lang ang grand debut ko as an author soon enough."

He seemed satisfied while staring back at me with his dreamy eyes and cute smile. Ilang segundo pa kaming nagkatitigan bago ako kusang umiwas ng tingin. My eyes landed upon the nearly empty cup of coffee. The coffee he had given me earlier.

He took a step back, nodding his head, and then picked up my coffee cup.

"Alright, alright." He sighed. "I'll be waiting for that book, especially for the dedication page. Hmm? I'll get going, bud. Another coffee?"

I simply smiled, nodded, and watched him return to the counter. I silently watched him as he talked, laughed, and patted the head of his co-barista, co-worker, and also his lover.

I sighed as I deleted and changed the names I wrote for the characters of my story.

***

Date written & posted: April 17 & 18, 2024