Astania Reviews

Kae | Kama: Liberation

I like the casual world-building! Fantasy can be a tough genre. You do well with descriptions and using evocative language. Sometimes the telling instead of showing and generalized wording choices like vaguely mentioning 'people' could be clarified, but overall, I enjoyed the way the descriptions set the scene and the way you slowly introduced concepts. I think the world on a larger scale could be defined more, since I'm not really sure what the time period is or information on the larger world (like planet/country), but I also think that's understandable for this point in the story. I would like to know if there are any cultural differences between the characters given that Ishvara has to travel to marry, like the scene with the seat in the first chapter, where I feel like there's a cultural reason within the story for why events occur that could be hinted at. This is also the case when the dancers are mentioned to not be wearing anklets: why does Aryamna notice? Is there a reason they usually do? Elements like this are clear to you, I am certain, as the writer, though they may not be as overt to a reader understanding the world for the first time in its context. This may get explained later, however, but with details like this, it can be beneficial for the reader to know the context in order to feel like they understand. Your world is clearly well-defined; I think you need to let readers in and see that sometimes.

General Thoughts I Had While Reading

Chapter One:

I really like your first line! It's very fantastical in tone, and I think it works well for the image you're trying to paint.

I wonder: is there a time period here? Rajan is saying things like 'anyways' along with formal speech, so that made me curious. I think the contractions are fine over saying things like cannot, since that makes the dialogue feel realistic. Anyways sort of jolted me out of the story temporarily though.

Sometimes in fantasy, there are a lot of characters! I think it makes sense for this style. However, this leads to your writing having to remind readers of who is who quite often by using epithets, or being roundabout in how they are referred to in order to avoid repetition with their names. Wording like 'the latter's eyes widened' for example, where I think if you used their names, it would be more clear. This is also true for wording like 'the infamous Rajan' where I wonder to whom? To Ishvara? To someone else? It feels like sometimes this information is given so we remember the context, but it doesn't necessarily feel needed. Especially considering a reader will pick up on the specifics about the characters as time goes on, including if they are royals/what their reputation is/etc.

'Nature sang' - lovely!

Chapter Two:

Indumala seems cool!

You do a good job with your dialogue in this scene with Indumala. It's easy to follow and everything flows easily.

I like the final image of the cloak at the end of the chapter!

Chapter Three:

In her mind, Ishvara imagined a fairytale — love it! This scene is really nice, and you do a great job of emotional writing here.

Oh, it's interesting that she lies about imagining the fairytale too.

There's definitely a lot of characters to balance here. I think so far I haven't gotten a good handle on who is who, but I like the character work you're doing and the way the narrative is giving time for a reader to see the relationships between them. It's a big task, but it's one I think you are handling at this point pretty well.

Chapter Four:

I like how we are learning with the characters as we go. Like when the scar is mentioned. It comes up naturally and as a reader, I'm left curious!