white rose - hyunchan ff

2.

tiny tiny smut warning (ahem)

TW: mention of sh

The noise from the TV fills the small room, its screen being the only source of light at the moment. I turn on my phone - 3:04am. I should go to bed. Getting up, I look for the remote but can't find it. Felix looses that thing every time. I don't bother searching for it and just leave the dim lit living room which serves as my bedroom as well. But tonight I don't want to sleep in "my bed".

As I stand outside Felix's room I can hear soft noises from inside. One of the reasons I choose his presence overnight every now and then. Some days I can't stand the silence, held awake by my own thoughts filling it.

I open the door and take a step inside. Quickly, I adjust my eyes to the pink light Felix tends to flood his room in. I try to believe it helps him sleep as he proposes. At least I can find my way around all his stuff on the floor.

He stiffens for a second when I crawl under the cover. I haven't thought about how my body might feel a bit cold since he left with the blanket earlier - as if he doesn't have his own. I shiver slightly and wrap myself around him. He pulls my head onto his chest and buries his hands in my hair, pulling on a few strand as he goes on moving his hand automatically without ever waking up fully. I take a deep breath, taking in the scent of flowers and citrus mixed with the smell of nicotine that always lingers on his skin.

"I knew you were coming", his voice even deeper than usual. "You could have cleaned up for me then", I mumble into his chest. I don't get an answer so I assume he's fallen asleep again when I hear his voice disrupting the silence a second time. "You can't do this to me."

I know what he is talking about but I can't help it. As usual, he doesn't expect an answer. He holds my head close to his chest making it hard for me to breathe before he turns us both to the side, moving a but do the thin layer of skin that covers that deli his delicate body so he can lock eyes with me.

Making out tear stains I'm pretty sure he hasn't slept for long before I came in. I try to ignore them as I try to ignore the fact that I am the cause of them. Despite that, he smiles at me - sleepily but brightly. I take one of his hands from my face he loves to touch and kiss his fingertips - my way of apologizing.

Expectedly, more tears start to build in the corners of his eyes. To distract him, I break the eye contact and bury my face in his neck, leaving more tender kisses on his collarbone. I can't help myself, he looks so perfect when he cries.

He breathes in sharply as I plant more kisses on his neck. Holding back tears he whispers something I don't understand. I keep going - my teeth grazing along the veins on his neck. He then pushes me a bit away to look at me. "Not today", his voice pitched high from his emotions.

This time, I don't kiss him to let him know I'm sorry. I bury my head back into his chest and hum a melody to sooth him to sleep. It works and once I hear his breath steading, I drift away as well.

I rush up the stairs, hoping I'm not too late. That he -

I reach the door to the bathroom and open it quickly. There he sits, his blue skirt now dark purple. "I knew you were coming", he whispers, his eyelids fluttering as he tries to keep them open. I'm lifting him off the ground and help him into the shower. He cries while I let ice cold water run down his thighs to slow down the bleeding. Why doesn't it stop? What did he do? Why?

I wake up, the memories if that nightmare still running through my head. Moving around I feel the comforting pressure if Felix lying on top of me. I lift one hand to my head, brushing through my now wet hair. Despite being soaked in sweat I don't feel warm. I move away underneath the groaning boy and undress myself. Too tired to go anywhere, I just pick one of Felix's boxers and go back to bed. The blonde embraces me and I immediately feel less cold.