糸を伸ばすと結び目がより絡みやすくなる «Pulling the thread tangles the knot more»

1.

●Chapter 1!: Hello, my child
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Atsushi narrates:

I got up at five in the morning as always, as the orphanage schedule said and I had become accustomed to it.

I carefully got out of the closet I've been sleeping in since Kyoka-Chan started living with me. I shower, get dressed and make breakfast for the girl who lives with me, I grab a juice from the pantry and left. I walk down the stairs being careful not to trip, since I have a vision problem that causes me to put words and objects together. When I get to the door it's half past six.

When I go out into the street, the cold embraces me very warmly, I inhale and exhale, the smoke comes out of my mouth due to the difference in temperature, I take a walk through the city, a beautiful city.

I arrive at the agency where Kunikida (a beta) and Yosano (a beta too) are, I listen carefully to the conversation they have.

—Kunikida, I think having a weak gamma in the agency is going to make us weak— Yosano said, I froze when I heard his words, am I really a burden?

—Atsushi has a good ability, but, he's really weak and he's probably already slept with many alphas— Kunikida said, I felt bitter tears falling down my cheeks, I haven't been marked yet and I'm still a virgin, I haven't had couple in my life, I have always been tortured in the orphanage, with Shibuzawa and my own parents tortured me when I was not even three years old, I have never felt happiness.

I quickly leave the door and I ran to somewhere, that somewhere was the port and sit on the sand, I look at the sea that was dyed pink and orange, I hug my knees and bow my head, I feel bitter but warm tears fall, because I'll never be happy.

I feel like hours are seconds and when I look at the time on my old cell phone I see: a quarter to ten in the morning. Three and a quarter hours had passed since I arrived here.

I get up with difficulty, my heat would be about to arrive, I enter the small apartment and leave a small note:Hey, Kyoka. I won't go back to the agency, I'll retire, be happy and forget me. Please, tell Dazai-San that I love him like a father, but he should forget me.

Sayonara.

With love, Nakajima Atsushi

I leave the keys to the apartment at the entrance and say goodbye.I see clearly the alleys, the full streets... I sit in front of the river that I call: The river where my life began.

I let out a sigh and watch how the tide goes out and goes up... Little by little I remember my whole life, when my parents cut me off, taking advantage of my ability to go back (A/N: In this AU, Atsushi does have the ability to regenerate, but when is injured, his body goes back in time until his body is healthy, so Atsushi, if he is very injured, turns into a child for a few hours. He can regenerate, but, when he uses it he fells too weak and usually faints), when in the orphanage they tortured me, trying to drown me, when I found love in a child street with raven hair and gray eyes, when Shibuzawa adopted me and electrocuted me to try to extract my ability, when I killed him, when I escaped and took refuge in the streets, surviving by stealing wallets, when my first heat came, when Dazai found me, when those from the agency deceived me... I feel something wet fall from my eyes... Bitter tears that offer me comfort by bringing out my pain, my pain of being weak, my weakness of not hating having taken my life.

I see how the cars go by, how people walk with their loves and their families, I see it from the distance with a smile, because, I will never be happy, I will never have a partner, I will never have one. family, because, no one is going to love me.Time passes and I get bored of sitting, so I go for a walk.I make a small purchase and go for a walk again.