marauders oneshots - ౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

starlight (sh comfort) - sirius black

tw! sh
sh comfort

You feel the blood rush to your head, see the blood trickling down your arm, taste the salty tears on your cheeks. Your back aches from pressing against the wall, slumped down on the floor of the bathroom.

You choke back a sob as you press the blade to your wrist, wincing as the bright red droplets pool within the white line. Just one more. Your brain screams at you to hurt yourself again. One last one. The voices in your head intensify as you slice your skin, again and again.

This was your fault. You deserved this. Failing on a charms test - how could you be so stupid? You had studied for hours in a row, and still managed to fail. You stupid girl. You internally curse yourself, pressing a hand to your mouth to muffle your sobs.

Your head starts to feel fuzzy from the blood loss, the red liquid dripping from your hand like water from a faucet. Black spots cloud your vision as your eyelids droop, head lolling onto your shoulder. Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door and your eyes snap open in panic. "Y/n, love, are you in there?" Sirius' voice blares through the haze in your head like starlight.

"Uh-" you scramble to stuff the blade into your pocket, grabbing the toilet roll from the sink. "Yeah, I'm in here. I'm okay!" your voice turns unnaturally high-pitched. You start to wrap the toilet paper around your arm, wiping your face on your sleeve. "Are you sure you're alright?" he probes. "I-uh-" a sob escapes you as your nails graze a scar, and you hear the sucking in of a breath on the other side of the door.

"Y/n, I'm coming in." Sirius says firmly as the knob turns. The door creaks as he steps in, and you choke out a sob and hurriedly pull your sleeves down in an attempt to shield him from your mess. It didn't work. You see the panic flashing in his eyes as they widen, and he rushes towards you, grabbing your bloodied wrists.

You wince and he loosens his grip. "Sorry." he says quietly. "Can I - can I see?" you gulp down the lump in your throat and nod, glancing away with tears rolling down your cheeks. Sirius carefully rolls back your sleeves, his breath hitching as his eyes land on the white scars lining your arms. The blood continues to cruelly drip down your wrist, mocking you. You brace yourself for the screams and taunts that will spurt from his mouth. But they never come.

"Y/n. Look at me." he says, his voice cracking. You suck in a deep breath as you feel his fingers on your chin, lifting your head till your eyes meet. His eyes are round and glassy, tears threatening to spill. The look on his face breaks your heart in two, and you let out a wrangled cry of defeat. A tear slips down his face as he immediately pulls you into his embrace. "You're okay. You're okay." he croaks out as you melt into the hug, crying into his sweater.

The both of you stay there for what feels like forever, Sirius' hands rubbing circles on your back while you grip him so tightly as though he would be taken from you if you didn't. He presses gentle kisses to the crown of your head while whispering sweet nothings into your ear. You feel his own tears on your hair, his heartache seeping through your skin.

Your sobs finally quieten and Sirius pulls back slowly, holding you at arm's length. He cups your face, wiping away the tears. "My lovely girl. Why didn't you say anything before?" he whispers. You sniffle. "I'm sorry. It was- it was hard," you mumble, glancing away. He shakes his head and smiles gently. "Nothing to apologise for, love. I just wish you had told me, so I could carry some of your pain for you," he says gently.

"But they're my problems. Not yours. You shouldn't have to burden yourself for me," you murmur, looking at him guiltily. He gently presses a finger to your mouth. "None of that. If my girl is hurting, it's my job to shelter you from that pain, okay? Please just... just tell me what's wrong, and I swear I'll try to make it better. I'll do anything it it meant you didn't harm yourself," he says firmly, his eyes swirling with so much guilt, hurt and love.

You nod slowly. "Okay, my sweet girl?" he asks softly, thumb grazing over your cheek. "Okay," you reply quietly, mustering a weak smile. He smiles softly in response and presses a kiss to your forehead. "Good girl. Now let's get you cleaned up while you tell me what's been going on in that pretty little head of yours, huh?" he asks softly, lacing your fingers together. You nod meekly as he pulls you into another bone-crushing hug, so full of affection that you feel your pain start to dwindle.

"I hope you know I love you. And I'm sorry that things have been hard, but I'm here now. You're safe with me." he whispers, raking his fingers through your hair. You smile weakly, squeezing him tighter. "I know," you mumble fondly, your voice overflowing with gratitude. He starts to grin, his usual flirtatious nature coming back to him. "And I hope you know that once I'm done cleaning you up, I'm gonna cuddle you and kiss you stupid." A giggle escapes you. "I'd like that very much."

"Cuddles fix everything, just trust me," Sirius grins, pecking your cheek. You smile fondly, knowing full well that you could trust his starlight to shield you from the storm in your head.