Destruction~ solby

Colby

September 2023

I woke up to the sound of walking and my door opening. The light from the hallway shined right in my face. I saw a figure i couldnt really make it out. I instantly assumed it was Sam.
"Sam? You ok?" i was really confused.
"Yea no im fine. Just- uh wanted to check if you havent left." i couldnt make out his face but i noticed he was wearing a shirt that used to fit him exactly but now it looked like it just hung on him. Wow he definetely lost some weight.
"What do you mean if i left? If i had to go anywhere i would have told you."
"Oh. Then ill go." he sounded on the verge of breaking down.
"No no dont go. You still havent told me whats wrong."
"No Colby its fine. Forget about it."
"Oh. Just so you know, Im here if you need me."
"Yea i know. Thanks. Good night Colby. I love you. A lot."
Before i could say anything he was already out the door. He doesnt say that a lot and i found it weird but i just brushed it off

Its been about 30 minutes since the weird interaction with Sam. I couldnt stop thinking about it. A part of me wanted to leave him alone, knowing he was stubborn like that, but i also promised myself to find out what was bothering him. So i got up and went to his room. I stopped in front of the door. The silence did nothing but reveal the sobbing coming out of his room. I felt my heart break in a million peices. But then the sobbing stopped. And then there was just silence.
Then it hit me. The random "i love you", tge random coming in my room. The scratching. The avoiding food. It hit me. But was it too late? It couldnt. I instantly tried to open the door but it wouldnt budge. I started to panick.
"Sam! SAM! OPEN THE DOOR! SAM PLEASE!" I yelled through sobbing not knowing if he could hear me still. That was the moment I realised my feelings for Sam. Never have i thought of Sam in that way. Its funny how you realise your feelings only after you lose someone. No. I didnt lose him yet. I couldnt. Then i did what i thought it was best to do and i called 911.

Some time later

I was sitting in the waiting room trying my best to keep my composure. Then i heard my name knowing that it could either be good news or bad news. The nurse just told me that Sam asked for me. And i was realived knowing that he was alive.
I went in Sams room. I saw him there. Alive and well. But then my eyes went to the banadges around his arms. And i couldnt help but cry. I sat next to him while crying.
"Dont cry, youre making me cry" he said trying to chuckle a little but i could tell it was forced.
"Why though.Why?" i said while sobbing. That was not the right question to ask in that moment but i had to know.
"I- I just. I dont know how to say it, without ruining everything."
"I promise whatever it is, it wont ruin anything."
"For a while now, ive realised i had some feelings that i wish i never realised i had. I uhm. I had a dream right before i uh did it. It was probably my breaking point because i just went for it."
"What feelings are you talking about?" i felt my heart break little by little.
"I stopped eating for a while, thinking that maybe if i became skinnier i would get a more feminine frame, with the hope that maybe h- he would feel the same way i did. But i realised that even if i had a more feminine frame, hell, even if i was a girl he wouldnt see me the same,  not because i wasnt a girl, but because im me. Because i was Sam. And i would have rathered die than to be slowly killed by the pain of hi-. The pain of YOU not seeing me the same way i saw you."
I didnt know what to say. I was silent.
"What im trying to say is that Im in love with you. And i could accept the fact that i was in love with a guy, but oh god i could not accept the fact that the guy i was in love with was my best friend."
We were both full on crying now.
"Sam you should have told me. I would have also realised my feelings for you quicker. When I realised what you were trying to do. and the door didnt open i realised that I love you. I live you in every way a person could be loved. And i regret not realising it faster. U regret not helping you or for insisting for you to tell me what was wrong. If i noticed, none o this would have happened."
"No no dont put this on yo- wait what did you say?"
"Im inlove with you." i said while trying to hold in my smile. And before he could say anything i leaned forward and i kissed him. Something that we always joke about and its crazy that its happening right now. We both pulled away, looked at eacheother and went in for another kiss.
"I love you."  I said while looking at him. I couldnt help but admire his beautiful face. I could be called the happiest man alive right now.
"I love you too." he said with the most beautiful smile i missed.

961 words
this looks so rushed but at least its something.