𝘋𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 D𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭 ⇶ 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭

Chapter 1

I pull my eyes away from the mirror to check the little clock hanging near the mirror. It is 5:35. Did I spend 20 minutes in the shower? Guess I got lost in thought again. I quickly changed into my clothes and walked out of the bathroom and turned off the lights and closed the door like I always do.

I walked across my room to my nightstand that has all my stuff on it. I opened it to see my watch, wallet, medication, and my handgun. I pulled out my gold watch and put it on my right wrist then I grabbed my wallet and shoved it in my pocket. I grabbed my pill bottle and took two pills out and swallowed them. I closed the bottle and put them back into the drawer and closed it. I also grabbed my phone from on top of my dresser.

I turned around and walked down the little steps that lead to the rest of my bedroom. My bed is on its own little stage thing for some reason. Then my closet and bathroom lead off of it. The rest of my room is a little hangout area with some couches that sit in front of a mounted tv. To the left of all of this were huge glass windows and a glass door that lead out to my balcony. I don't understand why I have a balcony when there is no view. What am I going to look at? Other buildings? What do they want me to do? Look into other people's fucking windows? I don't get it. Whatever.

I walked past my sitting area and to the double set of doors that lead to the rest of my penthouse. I opened them and stepped onto my little balcony like a thing that connects to the stairs. I walked down my wooden staircase and into my living room. There is a wall of glass that separates the stairs from the living room. My living room has a big gray and white couch and faces a big tv. Next to the living room was my kitchen. I walked through the room and into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and looked at the contents. There are some fruits, veggies, a pizza box, and some containers full with some food I made. I need to clean out my fridge later. I grabbed the fruits and carried them to my counter. I don't feel like starving today but at the same time, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Even thinking about food makes me nauseous. Fucking medicine always makes me feel like shit. I have to stop taking it. I don't care if I lose my mind, at least I won't feel like I have a constant hangover.

I threw all the random fruits into a blender and turned it on. I flinched at the sudden loud noise but it quickly faded away as I watched the fruits all blend together into a reddish mush. What fruits did I even put in there? I don't remember. I tore my eyes away from the blender and looked around my kitchen. I looked at the trash that littered my countertops and that was piled around the trash can. Bear cans and different types of bottles laid on the counter like they were spouse to be there while different bags and other trash rested on the floor beside the trash can. I need to clean. I looked to my right at the sink that was overflowing with dishes. I don't even know if I have any clean dishes. I wonder how much it costs to hire a maid? No, I should clean up my mess.

I opened the cabinet to see only a few clean cups in there. I need to do the dishes later. I grabbed a cup and closed the cabinet. I looked back at the blender and watched as the fucking cap flew right off and hit the floor. Then whatever the fuck I made started to fly out as well.

"Bloody fucking hell!" I yelled and ran over to turn off the blender. After I did, I looked at the damage. There was shit all over the counter. I rested my head on the counter and closed my eyes. "God please help me," I sighed and lifted my head back up.

I picked up the blender cup thing or whatever it's called and poured it into my to-go cup. I then added it to the mountain of dishes and looked back at the mess of fruit juices. I grabbed a nearby towel and lazily wiped up the mess. I couldn't be bothered to bring the towel to the laundry basket so I just left it there. I also left the cap on the floor.

I picked up my cup and walked through my living room and to my front door. I put my black shoes on and grabbed my keys. I took a deep breath and stared at the door in front of me. God give me strength. I thought before grabbing the handle and opening the door. I walked out and locked it behind me. I walked down the hallway to the elevator. I hit the down button and took a sip from the pathetic excuse of a smoothie I made.

"Hello Nicholas," I heard a female voice say from behind me. I turned to see my neighbor step out of her apartment and join my side.

"Good morning Bethany," I sighed and took another sip. This tastes like shit. I feel like I'm going to throw up. But I'd rather do that than talk to this lady.

"Going to work?" She asked.

"Yep," I answered blankly as I stared at the elevator doors.

"Dr. Carter going to save lives today?" She asked.

"You know no one dies on my table," I stated.

"So what are you doing after work?" She asked as the elevator doors opened. We both walked in and I clicked the button for the first floor.

"I don't know. Probably go to get drinks or something," I answered.

"Need some company?" She asked. Oh, this bitch. I know what you're doing.

"No, I'm good," I said.

"Oh come on! Don't be like that Nicholas," she giggled as she leaned against me and hugged my arm. I tensed up as she touched me.

"No really, I'm alright. No need to join me," I said and wiggled my arm out of her grasp.

"You're so lonely! You need more friends!" She suggested.

"I do have friends," I stated.

"Then you need to put yourself out there and get a girlfriend!" she smiled and looked up at me. It's clear that she likes me but it's never going to happen.

"Bethany, I'm gay remember?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," she smiled.

"Sure you did," I hissed under my breath.

"What did you say?" She asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Well if you ever want to try something new out. You know where I live," she said.

"I'll never want to try something new. Ever," I spat.

"Well you never know-" she started.

"I do know. Being gay doesn't just disappear Bethany!" I snapped.

"Sorry! Sorry!" she yelled and held her hands up. There was a moment of silence before she cleared her throat. "Hey," she said.

"What is it, Bethany?" I asked.

"I might be crazy but I swear your eyes were just red," she said pointing at my face.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked as I turned away from her.

"Maybe it's just the lighting in here or something," she said, laughing slightly.

"Yeah probably," I laughed in return.

The doors of the elevator opened and quickly walked out waving goodbye to her. God, I hate her. I swear I reject that girl every day and she just can't get the hint. She just thinks because she shows interest in me I'm just magically going to turn straight overnight. I hate people like that and I hate her.

I walked outside and looked at the busy streets of hell's kitchen. I waved down a taxi because I don't feel like actually driving today. I hopped into the back and told the man where I wanted to go. Well, I don't want to go to the hospital but I need to. As he started to drive I pulled out my phone and opened my camera. I looked at myself and my eyes were brown as they should be. They better stay that way. I put it back in my pocket and rested my head on the window.

"Today is going to be a long day, I know it," I mumbled to myself.