Enchanté

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***TW: self-hate and mentions of sh***




       "Y/NNN!" Tara called from the living room loudly. I was in the midst of getting ready to go clubbing with her tonight. I took a small breath, feeling extremely anxious since she'd be bringing people I didn't know. "Yeah?" I called back. "Are you almost done?" She asked, I glanced to the mirror and bit my lip slightly. I hated my reflection.

      I looked up at the ceiling, holding back tears. My eyes burned and I felt this tight pain on my chest that wouldn't go away. I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. "Can I stay in tonight? I don't feel like going out." I felt bad since she had practically begged me to go but I really didn't feel like leaving the house. "Noo Y/N, you've gotta go! I'll be bored without you!" Tara responded from outside my door now. She walked in the room and saw my watery eyes. Her brows furrowed a bit and she frowned. "What's wrong?" She walked closer to me, gently pulling me into a hug. I held back the tears that were stabbing at my eyes like daggers of acid. I hugged her back then pulled away and cleared my throat. "Nothing, never mind. I'm alright." I didn't want to let her down..

    She nodded, deciding to let it go. "I'll let you get ready then." She looked at me sympathetically but quickly went back to her normal cheery face. She gave me a up and down look and a big grin. "Girll you look good!!" She said with a wink and smirk. I let out a small soft chuckle, I felt a bit of the weight on my chest lift. "Thanks, now get out so I can change" I shooed her playfully. She walked out of the room and gave a wave before I closed it behind her. She always knew exactly how to cheer me up, she was always one of my favorite people.

    I turned to my closet and began looking for an outfit. I grabbed some big over sized cargo jeans I had gotten a while back and slipped them on. I put a belt with a bedazzled skull buckle on over the waistband of the pants, slanting it on top rather than having it in the belt loop holes. I attached a chunky silver chain with a few star and moon charms on it in the belt loops. I put a fishnet long sleeved shirt on then put a cropped black t-shirt that hung off my shoulder on top. I walked to the full body mirror in the corner of my room and fixed my hair. My eyes dragged down to my body and I felt a look of disgust drift over my face. I hated my hip dips and the fat on my stomach. I glanced at my wrists and saw the scars that only made me feel worse with myself. 

     Why would I do that? They look so gross.. what if I trigger someone when they see the scars? What will they think when they see? God, I'm so stupid.. Should I just not go? I thought to myself, my mind racing and I felt myself begin to panic a bit. I bit down on my lips and fidgeted with my hands, picking at my skin. I took a deep breath and remembered how badly Tara wanted me to go. It'll only be a few hours.. It'll be okay, I'll just try to keep to myself . I turned away from the mirror and took a calming breath before going to slip my platformed Demonias and tying them. I took a small swallow before turning back to the mirror to fix up my makeup. I smudged the black eye shadow under my eyes and cleaned up the wing on my eyeliner.

      I walked out of my room and went up to Tara who was waiting on the couch in the living room playing with Sugar. "I'm ready to go." I said, leaning down to grab my purse that was next to the couch. 

 

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Johnnie Guilbert x ReaderWo Geschichten leben. Entdecke jetzt