total drama dumbasses

fuck | chapter sixty two

Justin's wifi was absolute shit and hanging on by one thread. He kept on glitching in and out on the facecam but his voice and audio was completely fine, but he had to turn his camera off and all everyone could see was a profile photo of his abs. 

"Justin, please change that godforsaken profile picture of yours," Noah pleaded. He rustled around to clear the desk as he said it. "You are absolutely rancid."

"I can't figure out how to," Justin said in return. Well, it was actually some abs that were saying it, but we leave out the significant details sometimes. "And plus, your name is literally Butt Thunder so I don't know what you're judging me for."

"That's not an excuse, and I didn't choose that name! Jesus," Noah muttered. Cody snorted quietly amidst the chaos. 

Gwen's keyboard clacked violently as she slammed her hands on the table. "Why did I have to get such long acrylics done? Now I can't even rip them off like press ons to soothe myself and be able to play Roblox for once!" 

"Maybe you shouldn't have asked for long ass nails," Heather said. She was sitting in her chair, reclined, feet on the table and filing her nails with a smirk on her face. "I mean, honey, what are those?"

"I didn't ask for nails this long. I always get them done pretty short so it's convenient, but this time the lady did them exquisitely longer than Duncan's dick ever will be, and I can't even fucking type." Gwen hit her face on the desk. "Ow."

"What did you say about my dick?" Duncan said. 

"That it's short."

"It is not."

"Oh it is so!" Courtney interjected and slammed her hands on the table. "It's tiny, like a sausage."

"Wanna bet?" Duncan said with a smirk and looked to the left of his screen. Courtney looked to her right and the couple stared each other down.

"Guys, can we please stop talking about Duncan's dick and play already?" Harold pleaded. "Join my elevator." 

Harold was the experienced one at this game, everyone was loitering at the door wondering how to crouch and he was already on door three. He knew how to beat the Seek chase, the Library, and the second Figure chase. He'd died 212 deaths and beat the game 20 times before. "Hurry up, guys, you're taking forever, I'm at door five already."

Cody was less experienced but had beaten the Library before. Noah kept on yelling about how to use the controls and kept on pressing A instead of W. "You know," Cody said. "You should really play this on an iPad instead, Noah. It's easier to move."

"Zip it, Coco, I can move perfectly fine," Noah said, as he moved backwards. 

"Why am I sprinting?" Trent wondered aloud. "How come Harold is moving slowly and I'm sprinting?"

"Um, guys, why am I moving so slow?" Lindsay said. Her microphone was too close to her mouth and her voice was fuzzy and loud. 

"It's because you're crouching, Lindsiot, and move that microphone away from your lips! You're not making out with it," Heather said, intently staring at the screen. "Press C." 

"Thanks Heathen!"

"Oh my God."

The first dark room was door ten, and it was the room where you had to go underground to find the lever. Lindsay screamed as she got jumpscared by Screech. She completely froze and took her hands off the controls and refused to move. 

"Linds, it's fine, whenever you hear the 'psst' noise just look for the creature, okay?" Tyler said comfortingly. 

"It's not that hard," Heather said with an eye roll, but everyone ignored her.