The Solo Journals

Thinking out loud

Ever heard the saying, " I was left with only my thought as company " ? As lonely as that sounds, its really needful for our mental growth.
    If you are the kind of person who can't be left alone for one second: and even when you are alone, you try to fill the silence with other things, just so you won't have to hear your thoughts- then, I guess this talk is for all of us.
   Who here has watched " Ralph breaks the internet"? Spoiler alert!!! There is a scene in the movie, where Ralph was so upset about Penelope wanting to stay in the racing game, that he went to acquire an insecurity virus. He was warned to keep said virus, within the game he wanted to destroy: and that it( the virus )had the ability to spread like wild fire. Guess what happened? If you already watched the  movie, then you already know. If not, let me give you a glimpse...
Ralph released the virus into the game. Since it was an insecurity virus, it was looking for a host with absolute insecurity. Ironically enough, Ralph fitted the description: so it copied Ralph's insecurity and distributed it all over the internet.
   Cut long story short: the internet was infested with  clones of millions and millions of Ralph's insecurity. It took over the whole internet and almost wiped it out.
   They had to find a way to rid of these clones: one of the options that was given to Ralph was that these clones will all at one given time be taken to therapy. Of course, this option was not feasible, because, duh, there were billions of Ralphs ransacking the internet.
   Did you know what happened after? Penelope was in trouble and there was a lot of drama going on: and then something almost magical happened- Ralph spoke sense into himself- the billion versions of himself. It shouldn't have been possible, but he did it- the guy literally did it.
   The speech that he used to convince 'himself', was so very touching that it calmed all the chaos and insecurity that roamed around.
   Why did I bring up this long scenario? You see, Ralph was not aware of the height of his insecurity. It took his friend leaving him and her being in grave danger, to come to terms with who he truly was on the inside and how much weight and self-doubt he carried.
     You see my friend: there is a lot about ourselves that we may not be able to  uncover and come to terms, until we really have to. This is the reason why a lot of people ' go to therapy ' ( nothing wrong with that by the way )
   What am saying is this:  Being with people who you care for and who care equally for you is good- very good. But do you know what better? Learning to enjoy your own company.
   You can only give out what you own: i cannot give you what I don't have. Until and unless you can be in your own company and don't feel the most terrible need to leave it: you can't truly and genuinely be the best company for someone else.
    Am aware that some of our past and experiences are brutal, triggering and upsetting. We all have things that we will want to keep buried forever.
     It is with absolute love that I say this, don't run from the pain and anguish.  I know how easy it is to pretend it never happened- you don't want to even think about. Maybe the reason why you can't be your optimal and truest self, is because you have hidden parts of yourself, securedly locked away.
    It might be hard, but if you are reading this: then you already have your sign to tackle whatever it is that bothering. Hear yourself out, listen to the voice of your heart: make peace with yourself.
     Remember its only when you are okay, can you spread life and love wherever you go. If you are bitter, in one way or the other, you're gonna spread that bitterness.
     I beg you don't run: don't end or ruin yourself. Don't end your life. You are so much more than you think.
   You are valuable and important: the world would be incomplete without you in it. Your family, friends and loved ones need you: not your spirit, but the physical you they can see, hear and love.
    You are worth every good in this world. If someone had told or made you feel otherwise: I am here to say to you, they lied. They were blind men trying to capture the beautiful rays of the sun. If they couldn't see it, how could truly express the true nature of it. You can't blame blind people for being blind: you can't even hate them. ( Am not talking about blindness of the eyes, but of the heart. There are people who can see well with their eyes, but are very blind to the feelings,emotions, desires and circumstances of others- they could care less about other people ).
     If someone has told you, the things you could never be. Don't hate them and be depressed about what they said. Everybody have the right to say what they think. You can't stop birds from making nests, you have no control over that. But, do you know what you have total control over? Them making a nests on your head. 
    You can't stop people from saying, thinking or behaving a certain way- that's their right. You can however define the effects their actions will have on you.
           Take care... talk to you later.