total drama dumbasses

dark chapter 😥| chapter fifty five

"If we see them, they'll never let us be at peace," she said. "As long as they're alive and thriving with any communication to us both." She gave me a sinister smile. 

"That's why I have to kill them."

...

Kill them? All for what price? To be with me for the rest of eternity? 

But I don't want to be with Sierra for the rest of eternity. 

And I don't want her to kill my friends. 

...

"So you gave yourself to her? You let her do those...those things to you?"

"I had to. Or else you wouldn't be here, right? I had to make sure you lived, that all of you lived. I didn't want to be the reason Sierra killed a group of people. You still had lives to live. And I figured if Sierra already had me now then what more is my life worth? I'd already lost everything."

...

We spent so long running away from the entire world. Days of living on the streets and playing pretend. My voice was hoarse from lack of water and I could not speak at all. Sierra promised me we'd be okay, she promised. But I don't trust her.

Sierra then had an idea: Camp. 

She knew how much we all hated camp, she knew that we would never ever go to camp willingly, and that my friends would never look for me there. She knew how vast the forests were and how easily it would be to slip away from the cameras. 

But then Chris found out. Chris McLean, the host of the show that created us and destroyed us, found out. And if it weren't for Chris, then maybe I wouldn't have been found. 

Chris saw me one night in the cabins when Sierra was in the bathrooms. I didn't speak to him, but he knew I needed help, and even though Chris is a clout seeking monster, he hotspotted me and let me send out my messages. I read Noah's messages, and started to cry, but I did what I could, what I could in the short time I had, before Chris slipped away and then I was left there with Sierra. 

And then that night she raped me for the first time.

And she did it repeatedly, almost every night, and I hated every second of it. Every time I would throw up afterwards and stay on my knees, crying, my face in my hands and watch the sun come up and down, knowing that the next day would be the same, always the same, never changing.

The only way to cope was to find Sierra's eyebrow razors and cut. I cut away all those feelings, until I figured it wasn't enough and I ran to that cliff we all jumped off of in Season One. I figured if that was how it all began, it could be how it all ended too. At least if I drowned it'd be painless.

What else did I have to live for?

...

"You're still here. I'm so happy you're still here."

"You're the only reason I'm alive."

...

I thought about it. I was a burden, wasn't I? Why was I wasting all of your time making you find me? Did they even care? And if they did, why would they even care?

But then I thought about Noah. 

I thought about the messages I sent him, the messages that I desperately tried to send out. I would let Sierra do whatever she wanted to me if it meant that one day I would make it out of this everlasting chain and see his face again. 

I stood there on the ledge and I just fell to my knees, sobbing, yelling curses and insults about Sierra to the open wind as the moon shone darkly over me. 

The world ended when I saw Noah get beat up by that monster.

But then it was all right. Everything worked out in the end.

But with a price.

///

NOAH

"Where."

"Where what?"

"Where did you cut yourself, Cody." I stood up and took his shirt off. Saw the long thin streaking bright red lines of agony along his stomach, running up and down like train tracks. They were fresh too. "Cody..."

"It doesn't matter," he said, sighing and covered his chest. "It's been bothering me for a while but I didn't want to bother you. I don't want to reflect my problems onto you. Plus, what does it matter? I'm not fucking beautiful anymore."

"You are very beautiful," I said and kissed one of his scars, "and you are not a burden. You are anything but a burden. Who told you that?"

He shrugged. I gave him his shirt again and he hastily put it on. They were very clean and fresh, scarred over with dry blood, but it looked like he'd only cut them this morning. Me, of all people, I would know. 

"I know how self harm can take control of your life and it feels like it's never going to get better, but it will, I promise you it will," I said quietly, and grabbed his arm, pulling him upstairs and sitting him down on the bed. "Please get some rest, Cody."

"Noah-"

"You are so incredibly strong for enduring all of this, and I promise you it will get better. I'll be with you all the time." I held both his hands in mine. "It's late, and I want you to get some rest. Please please go to sleep. Don't think about this now. We'll talk in the morning."

I left and shut the door, leaving Cody alone in his bed. I went downstairs to continue reading my book but then I saw a skinny figure at the bottom of the stairs. Cody had changed into pyjamas and he stared at me. 

He was crying as he said, "Don't leave," and I followed him upstairs and laid down with him.

"Don't you think we're moving too fast?" I said as he laid on my chest. I could feel his breathing, his soft murmurs as he tried to sleep. 

Cody opened his eyes and looked at me from below. Smiled. 

"No, not at all."

a/n

holy shit

so what do you think of this

is it the sentimental shit you wanted cos i tried so hard to make it somewhat heartwarming

this chapter was painful to write but i got through it ahhhh