Sunflower Child

The Sunflower

At the end of the day, when my  friends and I decided that's enough time spent together, I rush to get home, not because there's anything particularly special waiting for me, but because there is something special to me.

A sunflower.

I had a strange fascination for them and I wanted to be there, watching as they stretched towards the sun like a child hungry for their mother's breast milk.

I won't explain to you why sunflowers face towards the sun, something about their stems and what not, I can hardly remember the science behind it all, I never really cared for it, being a woman in  STEM isn't what I aspire to be. I might not know what I want for my future, but I know it's not that.

So after saying my goodbyes to my friends, I ran home, it was 16:24 and even though it was summer, there was no such thing as spending too much time looking at a sunflower but there was such a thing as not spending enough time with it.

It was 16:48 when I made it into my house, and two minutes after when I sat on my desk to watch her, yes, I had personified the sunflower, and her name was Sunny -not very creative, I know - but it fit her perfectly.

I ignored all my homework and appointments until 19:33 when it had gotten dark. My phone had rang two times during my trance, I didn't pick up neither times and when I went to my missed calls my heart stopped and beat again, just faster, I think - again, being a woman in STEM isn't what I aspire to be.

Dad❤️🥰 - missed call (2)        18:24

My thumb wavered over the call button, contemplating whether or not to call him back. Anxiety and was that a fear of rejection creeping around back there, wrapping itself around me like a python, ready to sink it's teeth into me like a boa constrictor. I also have a fear of snakes, and I watch National geographic on my spare time, so I know too much info about snakes than I'd care to admit, and lions, and leopards but the cheetahs are my favorite.

Anyway, long story short, I called him and he answered and we talked. It was so nice to talk to him, it's been a while since I heard his voice and seen his face. I was so happy he called and I said as much and he laughed and chuckled and said, " Yeah, It's been a while. "

We continued to make small talk, updating each other on our lives, I was mostly doing the updating and he said my baby brother misses me, I did too, he was a cute little guy, I think he was turning two this year, I didn't know.

But then he said he was getting married, in a month and that he wanted me to be there. He went on about his new bride, and I just listened, I wasn't upset but he continued, he talked about her kids, about how I have a step sister my age and step brother who's older, he talked about the boy, university student, good kid, got a decent job, I didn't care, he sounded cool. And then came the girl, I was less thrilled, her name was Angela but he called her Angel, I don't think he called me angel. He said she was sweet and that I would like her, I didn't think I would but I nodded and said, " I'm sure I will. " I was a lying bitch and I'm sure he knew it, even the deaf could hear my heart break.

He didn't stop there though, somehow this next sentence seemed to mend my broken heart as good as new. " I want you to visit, stay with us before the wedding, maybe even after, I'll have to ask your mom first but I want to know what you think first. "

I metaphorically jumped for joy, a party on the inside but cool and collected on the outside. I cleared my throat, " Of  course I'd like to, " I started sounding too cheerful, " But only if mom agrees. " I said, much more calm.

" Oh course, I'll talk to you later then, yeah? " I told him yes and the call ended there. I started bouncing around my room, looking through my closet, deciding on which clothes will stay here and which will go with me.

Oh, my heart felt like glitter exploded all over it and was then smeared with cake.

I was soooo

Happy.

I felt like a sunflower.