Just Tell Me Why

Cut-up Instincts

The morning sun weakly filtered through the cardboard covered windows, casting a pale glow. With a tired sigh, I rose from our makeshift bed, rubbing my eyelids. I peeked over my shoulder, admiring Ava's golden curls sitting on her cheeks, I brushed away her curls, stirring her to wake up.

"Rise and shine, gem", I kissed her forehead, I spoke softly into the stillness of the room. 

"Morning!!", her eyes fluttered open as she chimed in with joy. Ava eagerly jumped up and sat on my lap, playing with my hair. "What are we going to do today?", she asked curiously with her boundless enthusiasm. I stroked her hair away from her face, revealing two goldfish blue eyes staring back at me, optimistically glazed. 

"Breakfast and then it's... adventure time!", I tickled her, playfully dangling her off the bed. Ava burst into laughter as she begged me to stop. 

We ventured into the makeshift kitchen, with Ava on my hip. I sat her down on the chair as I went into our almost empty storeroom. I sighed at the sight as I retrieved a few eggs and an almost finished can of milk-powder. I cracked the eggs into a sizzling pan and mixed the powder with water.  

As the eggs cooked, Ava chattered away beside me, her voice a constant stream of excitement and curiosity. I listened with half an ear, my attention divided between the task at hand and the quiet hum of the world outside.

Least we have a roof, food, supplies, tools and most importantly, each other. I haven't seen anyone in the last 2 months. We'll go to our next stop shop, there must be a few food items and toiletries to collect surely. It will be a bit of a walk though.. but our stock lasts us 4-6 weeks each time.  We'll be okay. 

Once breakfast was finished, we cleaned up the kitchen and prepared to venture out into the world beyond our shelter. With our scavenging bags slung over our shoulders, we set off into the empty streets, our footsteps echoing in the silence of the morning. The map guided us into another area, an hour by foot.

The clouds chased the sunlight away as the wind suddenly invaded us. I stopped in my tracks and knelt down to Ava, pulling her hat over her head, before we entered the shop. "Ava, you know the rules when we go somewhere new. Stay close, no loud noises, hide if you must and always be alert, ok gem?", I expressed a concern look on my face which she quickly acknowledged. Her demeanour slipped into a nervous, meek girl.

Man she can sense it when I'm scared and it rubs off on her. I wish I was brave as this gem.

We quietly stepped into the dark, cluttered shop. I inspected the aisles until my heart stopped. My eyes widened with surprise as we saw a hunched figure, filling his bag. He must have felt our eyes burning on him as he froze too, for a split second, before slowly turning around to us. The stranger looked up, startled, as our eyes met with curiosity and wariness. 

For a moment, we stared at each other as the weight of our isolation hung heavily in the air.

FUCK ME! IT'S A HUMAN, PEOPLE. HOLY SHIT DON'T PANIC! DON'T PANI-

"Hi," the stranger greeted us, their voice rough with disuse. "I haven't seen another living soul in weeks."

I nodded in understanding, my voice tinged with relief, "Us neither... it's been lonely", I cleared my throat, with a quizzical look on my face, still in shock.

The stranger's gaze softened, a flicker of empathy in their eyes. "I know what you mean. My name's Ryan."

Ava, ever the friendly one, stepped forward with a bright smile. "I'm Ava, and this is my big sister, Daphne!". I awkwardly waved with a forced smile.

The tension melted away as we exchanged introductions, our voices filling the empty space with warmth and companionship. For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a glimmer of hope stirring in the air. 

I wonder if he's alone. Why does he have so many baked beans in his bag? He must be smart if he's still alive. This could be my back up plan. Him. If I was to die, would he look after Ava? Daphne, stop - what are you even saying? Holy shit. All these thoughts are rushing to me now because I haven't seen anyone for ages. Ryan gives off good vibes, no doubt. There's an unspoken trust bond between us, we just click. How refreshing and burdening is this encounter.

We almost left the shop together, bags full of supplies and food, with Ava trailing us closely behind. But our newfound encounter was short-lived when Ava stumbled over a jagged piece of metal, her cry of pain echoing in the stillness of the shop. My heart leaped into my throat as I rushed to my sister's side, my hands trembling as I examined the wound.

NO. NO. NO. SHE'S HURT. OH NO. WHAT WILL I DO? THE CUT IS TOO DEEP, SHE'S BLEEDING QUITE A BIT. THINK. FUCKING THINK.

I rallied in my short breaths, composing myself as I frighteningly looked at her wound, "hey, baby it's ok...", I murmured with a voice, thick of worry. I looked around in panic, whilst holding her leg, scanning for any pressure to stop the wound. 

"Here!", Ryan quickly lent me his jumper which I pressed into her wound. Ava shrieked in pain but calmed down a few seconds after. My breath quivered as I watched Ava drowse into a pale look.

SHE NEEDS STITCHES! ANTIBIOTICS SINCE I SHOVED AN UNSANITARY JUMPER INTO THAT CUT. PAINKILLERS. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. 

Ryan stepped forward, a look of concern clouding his features. "There's a hidden bunker not far from here," he offered, his voice urgent. "I've heard rumours of medical supplies inside. It might be our best chance." 

Desperation surged through my body as I considered his plan. 

I have to do this.

I gave a silent nod of determination as I carried Ava out of the shop as Ryan guided us, hurriedly. As I approached the entry of the bunker, a sense of unease and guilt rattled me over. Ryan kindly assisted us with our breaking and entering. The bunker was dark and musty but as I adjusted to the darkness, I gasped at the heavenly sight before me. Lines of vials and bottles were stacked up everywhere!  I carefully positioned Ava, against the wall. Without hesitation, Ryan and I filled our bags with the necessities. Nothing extra or unnecessary, my moral compass wouldn't allow it.

As we prepared to leave, with Ava in Ryan's arms, a voice in the shadows stopped us in our tracks..

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

I stopped dead and my blood ran cold as a figure emerged from the darkness, with a glint of malice in his eyes. I knew I had just made a grave mistake. I shyly looked away to Ryan, a boy consumed with guilt and fear. I fucked up was written all over his face. My chest sank as I knew the consequences were near until I glanced down at Ava, my sweet, brave gem wincing in pain. 

There was enough fire for my heart as I took a step forward, steeling myself for the confrontation that laid ahead. 

Try me.