Lovelorn

Chapter Fourteen - Inner Calm

When Friday came around, Miles was almost entirely done with his version of the story of Cupid and Psyche.

And he was having fun. More fun than he'd had in months. There was something about writing that always brought him so much joy. It was the feeling of inner calm that was so fleeting nowadays. The same feeling he got when he looked at Ronja for too long. Writing made his cheeks wobble as he tried to hold back a smile, his fingers itched as they wanted to run ahead in the story to the parts he could envision best. It was the feeling of spring in the middle of winter.

He'd been writing since even before he learned how to spell properly.

He remembered being a kid and getting these vivid images in his mind that he couldn't shake. Images that he had to write down otherwise they would never leave him be. And that's how it started, as something he tried to rid himself of, but with every scene he wrote down the more he realised he enjoyed it. It helped him understand the world and himself better. Growing up neurodivergent was far from easy, but through the characters in his stories he could work out his relationship with those around him.

He could put to word the things he was feeling as metaphors became truths, allegory became fact.

But more important than anything else was that writing was fun. He could spend all day wishing to get back home just so he could sit down at the laggy family PC and write down the ideas that had been taunting him all day. He could sit in front of the screen for hours with nothing but his own characters to keep him company.

But then high school started and he lost that love as he lost himself. Some part of him wanted to blame it all on Vera, but he couldn't. He'd still wanted to write but had punished himself for his behaviour towards her by keeping himself from doing it. It was the kind of torment no one else could understand he was going through or feel pity for him for, but it somehow helped him feel less guilty about how he was behaving.

He was so invested in his revisions that he didn't notice Jesper sitting down next to him until the other boy smacked him on the shoulder.

Having nearly dropped his school laptop, Miles stared over at Jesper with a frown. He was wearing a bright yellow hoodie with a smiley face on it and it kind of hurt Miles's eyes to look at for too long. "What the hell man?"

"Sorry," Jesper said not looking the least bit like it. "Have you seen Ronja?" He then asked.

"Not since class. Why?"

"Oh, there's just this party I wanted to invite her to."

"Oh." Miles tried to keep his face even. Of course, Jesper liked Ronja too. And he was a better guy than Miles ever would be, so why wouldn't she like him back? "Like on a date?"

Jesper stared at him for a moment but then burst out laughing. "Ronja's not really my type," he said. Then his face turned serious. "No one is."

"Meaning?"

"I'm aromatic. So no romance for me," Jesper said. He looked down at the black ring on his middle finger.

Miles smiled at him, having seen the aromantic and asexual pride pins on his backpack earlier that week and already suspecting this. He was still glad Jesper saw him as someone he could talk to. "That's great!"

"Of course you would think so, Loverboy." And with those words, Jesper was back to his smiling self. He raised his barely visible eyebrow towards Miles. "Your face was so red when Ronja accidentally touched your hand today in class."

Miles coughed. "Speaking of Ronja...I thought you were here to ask her to a party?"

"I'll let myself be diverted this time, but only cause this is more important." Jesper shook his head. "My friend is having a small party at his house tomorrow. She barely ever showed up to them when Jim was still alive, but I figured it was worth a shot. We're just gonna have some drinks and play Monopoly, and she's obsessed with that game so-" He dragged out the last o for so long that Miles decided to interrupt him.

"That sounds like fun."

Jesper sat up straighter. "Hey! Why don't you come?" He asked, giving Miles a look that made him believe Jesper genuinely wanted him there. It wasn't a look he'd gotten from anyone these past few months and it made his eyes sting

"Sure. I've got nothing else to do," he said, hoping Jesper thought the way his voice broke off was just because he was late going through puberty.

"Great, and you should totally invite Ronja to go with you." Jesper elbowed Miles in the side before glancing at his smartwatch. "I've got to get going, but I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Miles nodded and watched his friend run out the door and then quickly grabbed his phone when he realised he'd forgotten one important detail.

Ronja :)

15.01

Me

Hey, do you have Jesper's nr?

Ronja

Yes

Why

Me

I'm going to a party tomorrow with him

He asked if you wanted to come along too

Ronja

I don't particularly enjoy third-wheeling

Me

We're not going on a date

Ronja

I know

I was joking

Boys aren't J's thing

Me

So, are you coming with?

Ronja

Nah

I've got homework to finish

But have fun

:)

And don't let them peer pressure you too much

His friends can be quite much sometimes

Me

I'll try not to!

But if you get any weird texts it's probably because I'm wasted, and my alcohol tolerance is very low

Ronja

Couldn't be me

Me

:O

Ronja

:P