Starfall

Chapter 14 - Ben

My stomach twists into itself at her words. I don't know what I'm going to do. Leola was right: Elyse won't leave me here. But Leola will. She said it herself. If we find her, I don't know what she'll do. I don't know what she'll say; I don't know if she'll call me out and beat me again. I can't know for sure—I just have a feeling it's going to be bad.

Even though there's no need for me to say anything more, I hesitate. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

She shrugs. "Depends on how personal it is." There's a small smile in her voice, which lets me loosen a bit.

"It's pretty personal." I take a breath. "But the level of personal-ness depends on your answer, too."

She sways from side to side as we walk. I watch her eyes as she says, "Alright, go ahead. But only if I get to ask you a personal question, too."

A grin spreads through my expression. "Well, Kamal told me you grew up in Culmes."

Elyse nods. "Yeah, I did."

"He also told me how you three met."

Now her movements tighten. She pulls in a breath and holds it before glancing my way. "Did he, now?"

My courage shies away from me in the next moment, so I have to go digging for it in order to ask my question. It takes a little too long for my own comfort. The silence between us stretches wider with every passing second until finally I find my words. "Did you . . . were you ever with Rose?"

I need to watch her for a reaction, because I want to know if she'd lie to me. But for whatever reason, I cannot seem to make myself look at her. My eyes remain glued to the declining cobblestone path that leads us down the valley. Out of my peripheral vision, I catch a glimpse of her face going redder.

But her hesitation doesn't last as long as I was expecting. "Why do you ask?" She sounds torn between being accusatory of me and feeling self-conscious.

My next words come quick and panicked. "I—I didn't mean anything. I just—Kamal told me that when he met you, you were running, and I just thought . . . I don't know. I grew up in Culmes, too, so, you know, and I always heard about the Red Rose."

"Does it matter to you? Whether or not I was?"

I shake my head in urgency. "No. No! I just was wondering—"

"It looks like you already know the answer, Ben," she says, but it's not irritated or accusatory. She just puts it out there, plain and simple.

"And, also," she adds, "I was never with her. I wasn't hers. I just happened to be there for her to use."

A solemn hush passes through the moment. I nod. "I'm sorry," I say quietly, keeping my head down.

The wind keeps our thoughts separate from each other as we walk. Every once in a while, the sun hits our backs and warms my cold neck, but not by much. Kamal looks back at us, eyeing Elyse, and she just gives him a nod.

"The first time I came here," she says, pulling her hood over her head, "it was because Rose sent me. She told me, If you don't kill your little priest's wife, I'll have you pinned to my wall by needles through your hands for the next week."

It takes everything in me not to let my jaw drop to the floor. I knew Rose was cruel, but not that cruel. Although I've seen some of the things she does to her victims, I've never even heard her mention anything like that.

"So I did it. I murdered Peter's wife. It was my first kill mission. I was eight." She pauses, and it takes everything in me not to look her in the eyes as she speaks. "You have no idea how . . . how awful it is to have to put a knife through someone's heart in cold blood." She shakes her head and swallows hard. "I was driven by the complete, unmatchable fear that Rose instilled in me every single day."