LOVE OR RIDE | LESTAPPEN

Chapter twenty-three - the corruption of man

"You can't sleep longer? Do you know what drama is going on?" says an indignant Daniel. I roll my eyes and turn my face toward Charles again, hugging him tighter to get back to sleep.

"Max, Daniel is right. If you want, I can stay at your place for the night, but now you have to get up." I hear the quiet and calm voice of the Ferrari driver.

"Of course he wants to." replies Pierre for me and I hear him high-fiving Ricciardo. Two idiots...

I reluctantly rise to sit down, rubbing my sleepy eyes with my hands. I don't know much about what's going on, but I finally don't feel sleepy, which also affects my mood.

"What drama?" I ask after a moment.

"We don't know too much, but they interrogate every driver and during the interrogation everyone has to sign a confidentiality agreement, so we won't learn anything from anyone. In addition, it's full of police, FiA and the team directors are sitting locked in the office in a meeting, and journalists are forbidden to enter." Charles says, shrugging his shoulders. I furrow my eyebrows, not understanding what's going on here. It sounds like there's a murder going on, and it's probably about some little thing.

"Now it's my turn, then Charles and Pierre go. Interesting, because you're not on the list." says Daniel, crossing his arms over his chest, all demanding an answer from me, and I begin to stress, fearing that this is about the Hamilton incident.

"I don't know what this is about, really." I say frankly, although I have some assumptions and I really want them to turn out not to be true. They all nod, until suddenly Ricciardo and Gasly get up.

"We're going to get together, we'll call each other after this whole circus." Pierre says, looking at Charles, and they leave.

I am left alone with the Ferrari driver, whose gaze is fixed on my face. I also glance at him, and he smiles at me, placing his hand on mine.

"Do you have tomorrow night off?" I ask suddenly.

"I have."

"So maybe you'd like to go on the promised date with me tomorrow?" I reciprocate his smile, hoping it will help to convince him.

I know that he needs time and space, and while I would like to be with him right away, I have to be patient. I'm glad that he feels something for me, too, but I'm annoyed that I know what my feelings are for him and he doesn't know about his for me, which makes me have to try every day to make him understand it faster than he thinks he will. Just maybe I want to make it officially mine and not have to worry about any Hamilton.

"I'll go." He leans over, kissing my forehead, and gets out of bed.

At the same moment that Charles is walking toward the door, my father enters the room. He measures Leclerc with an appraising glance and, without saying anything, walks past him, crossing his arms over his chest. Charles mutely tells me good luck and leaves, closing the door behind him. I comb my hair so it won't show that I just got up and look at my father, who seems nervous.

"You are forbidden to meet with this gay man!" he begins to shout.

"As far as I know, I've been responsible for myself for a long time and you can't ban me from anything." I roll my eyes, getting out of bed. "And don't call him that, please." I add more calmly. The last thing I want is an argument.

"No, I've got so much dirt on you, Max, that it's enough to ruin your career and life. You won't be racing anywhere anymore." he threatens me, at which I stop being so confident. "Fighting with Hamilton, dating Leclerc, saying things to Daniel that you shouldn't, and problems with the team." He starts to list, and I get worse and worse with every word he says. I feel like vomiting, realizing that he has power over me. What he does, I have to do or I'll end up under the bridge. "Now everyone is being questioned about Hamilton because he has woken up and is currently talking to his father, Toto and his lawyer. If you don't stop talking to the Ferrari driver, neither I nor Christian will help you. You will be left alone with this and you will lose." He smiles as my expression thins. I lean against the wall, looking at him terrified. I am so fed up. I would like to have peace of mind at least for one day.

"I won't stop talking to him, Dad." I say quietly.

"Is this the final decision?" he asks nervously. I nod, confirming his words. "Okay, so deal with Hamilton on your own. I don't have to do anything to make you fall to the bottom, but remember that you are no longer my son, so don't come when you fail and need help." He leaves the room, slamming the door. After a few seconds, notifications arrive on my phone. I glance at the screen, seeing that the man has blocked me everywhere so that I can't contact him. He is what he is, but I can't cope without him. I can't and I don't want to. He was next to me at every race, giving advice and helping when I was doing worse. How am I supposed to win when he's gone?

I hit the back of my head against the wall, sliding down it to the floor. I sit up, drawing my legs to my chest, and look down, feeling my eyes begin to burn. I clench my jaws with all my might to hold back the tears that damn near want to run down my face. In the end, I can't stand it and burst out crying, feeling like a finite moron. I'm weak because I'm crying. I'm weak because I feel terrible and everyone around me turns away from me. Charles will do it too, if he hears the truth about the Mercedes driver, because even though this one hurt him, he still cares, because he is like that. Even if they hurt him, he keeps coming back because he's too good.

That day I avoid everyone for the rest of my stay at the track. I go back to the hotel when the policemen allow it and lie down on the bed, not dressing up, not worrying that I have my whole face in dried tears and smeared makeup that was supposed to cover my wounds. I don't even care that I didn't take my change of clothes and wallet with me from the driver's room. I feel drained of emotion, because crying has taken a lot out of me physically and mentally. I feel like falling asleep and not waking up again, but sleep refuses to come as I lie on my stomach with my eyes closed. I start screaming and hitting the mattress with my fists. I scatter pillows all over the bedroom, and finally sit hunched over in the corner of the room, feeling that my whole life has started to fall apart since I reconciled with Charles. Or maybe it's not about him, but my keeping everything to myself? I could tell my friends, who wouldn't leave my side, knowing how I feel when I'm alone, but I don't want to involve them.

Suddenly, a notification arrives on my phone. Reluctantly, I turn it on, glancing at the message from Charles. I hold my breath, reading every word. I can feel tears starting to flow into my eyes anew.

From: Charles
Why did you beat up Lewis, Max? I thought I could trust and rely on you! I thought you were different, and you decided without my knowledge to send him to the hospital, administering justice like this! I hate violence, I hate people like you. I was damn wrong about you, and I think there is no chance for us to be together anymore. I messed up a lot, but I would never do such a thing. I'm sorry, but I can't be with a person who chooses violence. This date and our whole acquaintance is now over.

I throw my smartphone to the other end of the room, crying as loudly as I've ever cried before in my entire life. When we finally started to get along, things had to come out that shouldn't have. Now I am completely alone. I reach for the two bottles of vodka I recently bought at the store, thinking about maybe inviting Daniel, Pierre and Charles. It's gone now, so I open the first bottle, taking sip after sip of the alcohol that teases my gullet.

I ignore the knocking at the door and the voices after several hours of crying. Two empty bottles are next to me, and the image in front of my eyes blurs. I no longer feel sad, but I am unable to smile. Finally, out of exhaustion, I fall asleep, not caring where I am. I need the rest I haven't had in so long.