I felt numb. My husband was seeking attention from a man. That's the worse thing that could have ever happened. I thought the worse thing would be my husband cheating with a woman, but with a man things were and are far worse.
"I love you baby. You are. You are perfect for me. You're my Joy." He said holding me.
"Get away Devin. Get away. "I said backing away from him on numb legs. "You exposed me to diseases. I gave you your son. Our children." I chocked on my tears hyperventilating harshly.
"Calm down baby. Please please calm down." He said moving away from me and grabbing a bible to fan me. Once I had caught my breath he grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.
I felt as though I was about to faint so with shaky hands I took the bottled water from him.
"You ready to talk?" He asked calmly.
"It doesn't matter what you have to say Devin. I'm getting tested tomorrow morning. Me and the kids and I'm divorcing you." I told him and he clenched his jaw.
"I won't do anything to your beloved political career. I'll just leave and you can give me the kids. You can marry someone, a woman if you'd like and she can pretend to be in love with you. She can be your scapegoat and you can have your man on the side. We will look like the perfect blended family. A normal family in today's society and I won't say a word." I said lowly looking out the window.
"You done?" He asked and I looked over at him.
I laughed lowly. "No. I'm not done. I don't think I'll ever be done Devin. I love you. I've always loved you and I've always fought for you to love me back. And-and it seemed for a while that I was finally winning. I had everything. The house, the career, the kids." I shook my head. "But I didn't have you this whole time and I thought I did. I thought we were both madly in love with each other so this is hurting me right now." I shook my head.
"I didn't do nothing with no man." He finally said. "I would never do nothing like that with a man. For God's sake I love you Lauren. I love you and I'd do anything. Anything to make sure you were happy. " He said looking at me in my eyes.
"So-so who is T to you? Why did you call me him?" I asked him.
"For the past few weeks I haven't been completely honest with Lauren, that part you're right about but I had all intentions of telling you. I have been seeing a counselor. Three days out of the week. I tried hard, really hard to keep cool but baby I've been so stressed. Stressed about losing you, losing you. T is my counselor." He breathed. "And the man claiming to be my biological father." He said.
I gasped. I knew he wasn't lying about this. They look in his eyes, how he looked directly into my face and how the vein in his forehead didn't pop up and he didn't blink after he said it.
"Why didn't you tell me you were seeing a counselor?" I asked him.
"Because baby, I wanted not to stress you out. For a while now, I knew that my father wasn't necessarily my biological father, and I didn't want anyone to know that. Hell I didn't want to know that and I figured with you going through everything you're going through that it would be easier to just keep it away from you. Then it started straining our relationship with me truly not being able to keep shit from you without being suspicious as fuck." He shook his head. "And now you think I'm gay. You don't even trust me anymore and from me driving so fast and pull you out of the club like I did, I don't trust me either."
"So why did you call me his name?" I asked him trying to get the full story. So far, in my mind it was adding up. He was always late home on certain days.
"I had just came from his office. He was telling his wife that he thought I was his son. I overheard being nosy and it was heavy on my mind."
"So why have you not been sleeping with me at night? Leaving so early staying at work so late?" I asked.
"I had to make up time. With the campaign and all I had to have myself fully in order." He explained. "not sleeping with you was because I could tell I was hurting you. I didn't realize by me distancing myself I was hurting you even more." He said.
We both sat in the same spots we were in. Looking at each other. Just staring. God knows I love my husband. I love him so much. Sometimes we get so beside ourselves that we forget to talk.
Trying to spare each other feelings, trying to get it together before the other notices and we fuck up.
"Baby talk to me. Please" he pleaded getting on both of his knees.
I had moved from sitting on the floor to look out the window at the view of the city.
I looked down into his face. Seeing the lack of sleep he had. It was written over and over again through the bags on his eyes that he had been completely stressed out.
"You don't believe me?" He said with his voice cracking.
He held onto me clutching my clothes from the back as he buried his head in my stomach crying. "Baby I swear to god I never cheated on you. I've seen women, beautiful women and never ever have I wanted to go and step out of our marriage and do something with them yet alone a man. I love you. I love you way too much. " He held onto me soaking my dress. "Baby I love our family, and I love you and I don't want us to stop. Anything, anything you want to prove that I'm not lying I swear to god I will do it." He sobbed looking at me.
This was the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. Hell, as a couple this was one of our most vulnerable moments.
"You just did it." I said wiping his eyes. "We have to get counseling together. We have to be honest and communicate openly to save our marriage and our family." I said. "I just want us to be completely happy and we together have to figure that out." I said looking into his eyes.
"You got it baby." He said and I urged him to stand up "Damn I feel like a bitch." He said and stood up still sniffling.
I smiled. "Thank you. for telling me the truth for being vulnerable with me and fighting with me."
"Anything. Anything to fix is and get back to where we were." He said
I smiled as he wiped my eyes. "I love you. I love you a whole lot."
"Can I kiss you?" He asked.
I nodded my head and he grabbed my neck kissing me slowly, and passionately.
"I'm gonna try. I'm gonna do my best baby." He said. "No. We are gonna try and we are gonna get through this. Together
A/N
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Dream.
