Superstitions {Dean Winchester 2}

Chapter 60

What Is And What Never Should Be

"Mom called me earlier, wanted to know if we wanted to have dinner at her place. Sam and Jess are coming down from college for the weekend." Dean said, hand on my thigh as we drove down the road. 

"Sounds--Sounds great." I nodded, running my hand over the leather seat of the Impala. "How is he? Sam?"

Dean shrugged. "Good, I guess. I haven't talked to him."

"You haven't?" 

"Not since he last visited." 

"Oh." I said. "Well, how was work?"

Apparently, he worked at a garage. So the conversation consisted of thing about cars instead of about how cool it looked when he chopped the head off of a monster. 

Eventually, we made it to a house. Dean parked the car.

I pushed open my door, stepping out as he lifted a half-way asleep Mera from her carseat. 

He walked around the car, setting a hand on my waist as we walked toward the house. 

I looked over my shoulder, spotting the girl in the white dress again. She looked paler, her dress now dirty and covered in grime. 

"Saige, what is it?" Dean asked.

I realized I had stopped walking and turned fully toward the girl. I looked back at Dean, then across the street. 

She was gone. 

"Si, you making me worry here. Are you okay?" Dean set a hand on my arm. 

"It's--It's nothing. Don't worry." I shook my head.

We walked inside the house. 

Mary--Dean's mother--walked toward the door, smiling at us. Her blonde hair fell down her back, her eyes were bright. She was alive. 

Dean and I never turned into hunters. We were...normal. 

She pulled me into a hug. "You look great, honey." 

"You--You too." I mumbled. 

___

"He's so good with her." Mary remarked as I watched out the window as Dean played with Mera in the front yard. 

"I know." I said. "It's...It's almost heartbreaking because this won't last. It almost doesn't feel real."

Mary set a hand on my shoulder. "Saige, honey, is everything okay?"

"I just....I don't want to lose this." 

"You won't. You don't have to." 

I watched as Dean chased her around the yard, then lifted her into his arms, tickling her stomach. Meredith laughed uncontrollably, squirming in his arms.  

"He still bouncing off the walls excited you two are having a son?" Mary asked.

"What?" 

___

After dinner I realized just how much was different. Sam and Dean weren't close. They hardly talked to one another. John had died of a stroke. Jessica was still alive though. She and Sam were happy and in love. 

"Goodnight, kid." I heard Dean say from down the hall. 

I had already put Mera to bed as he said his final goodnights. I sat down on the couch as he walked over. He sat down next to me and I held a beer out to him. 

"Baby, are you sure everything's okay?" Dean asked, setting an arm around my shoulder. 

"Yeah. It's just...I don't know." I said, leaning into his arms. "I'm just still shocked that we have...all of this." 

Dean laughed a little. "I love you, you know that?"

I looked up at him. "I love you too." I told him.

Dean leaned in, pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. His hands were on my hips, pulling me closer as he leaned in to whisper. "Mera's in bed, you don't have to leave for work for another two hours--"

"Work?" I asked, pulling back.

"Yeah, the hospital. You went to nursing school for a reason, Si." Dean chuckled, kissing down my neck. 

"Right, right, work." I mumbled. 

Dean brought his lips back to mine, sliding a hand into my hair. 

"Today marks the anniversary of the crash of United Britannia Flight 424." I faintly hear the TV.

"Wait." I set a hand on his chest, looking over. 

We saved that flight. 

"No." I mumbled.

___

After Dean went to bed, I spent hours researching every case we'd done. Every single one still happened. Every horrible thing we stopped had happened. 

There's no way. 

Sam, Dean and I saved all these people. 

Why was this happening?

A shadow moved across the hall. 

I stood, following it. 

It led me back to the bedroom where Dean slept peacefully. Mera was now in bed too along with Lady. She must've came in here while I wasn't looking.

I moved toward the closet door. I pulled it open to find two dead bodies hanging there. 

I jumped backward, slamming the door shut. 

Suddenly, the girl was behind me. There was a cut on her head, her dress was ripped, she was somehow even more pale than before.  

___

I stood at my Dad's door with tears streaming down my face. I probably shouldn't have come here but I didn't know what else to do. 

He opened the door. "Honey? It's the middle of the night. What are you doing? Why are you crying?"

"Everything's falling apart, Dad." I said. "I'm so scared and it's like everything is coming after me. All the people, they're all dead. I saved them. But they're dead. You're here. I want this so bad, but I know I can't have it."

"Can't have what?" Dad pulled me inside the house. "Is everything okay? Are you and Dean have problems?"

"No. I just--All of this, it's made me so...so happy and sad and I know that I should go back to real life, but why don't I deserve this?" I asked, sobbing. "Why can't we have this? Everyone's so happy and alive and...I have the life I've always wanted but it feels wrong and I feel guilty for it."

"Honey, you're not making any sense." Dad said.

I know what my dad would really say. 

He'd tell me that life's not perfect but if there's something you want, take it. Work your ass off for it. Nothing can stop you. He'd tell me that my job is saving lives and that I should be proud of what I do. He'd tell me to listen to my gut.

My gut tells me to leave this all behind. 

But...

"I don't know what to do." I whispered in a sob.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'm right here." Dad pulled me into his arms.

This is wrong. To want to stay is wrong. To want to leave hurts. Knowing the 'could have beens' and having to live with it was going to hurt too, but I know that I can't.

I can't stay here. 

The Djinn will kill me. 

Those people will have died. 

But I'd lose my dad all over again. I'd lose the family I'll never have. 

But I don't really have a choice.