LOVE OR RIDE | LESTAPPEN

chapter twenty - trying not to love you

"The red mutt has already been to you to complain?" he asks loudly with mockery in his voice.

And that's enough.

I turn around again and start walking toward him. Once I'm close, I stop, smiling in his direction. He looks at me puzzled, and his colleagues quietly say something to each other.

"Yes he has been." I say calmly. "He told me everything, and I'm surprised that you did something like that to a person you used to go to bed with, because when no one wanted you, he took pity on you." I say loud enough for his friends to hear it.

And it works perfectly. Suddenly they look at Lewis in shock, and he angrily moves toward me. Without waiting to see what he will do, I punch him in the face with my fist, to which he does not remain indebted to me, pushing me backwards, making me barely catch my balance. I hear the shouts of his friends next to us, and in a moment other people coming out of the club to smoke. I don't give a damn, because now my anger is in control of my body and no voices of reason will speak my mind.

We exchange blows, every now and then pushing and shouting horrible words to each other. Adrenaline and anger cause me no pain, but only propel me into action as I strike blindly at the boy in front of me with my fists. Suddenly, as we jostle each other, we fall. Or rather, Hamilton falls, and I fall on top of him and start hitting him with my fists, not paying attention to his blood, his attempts to defend himself and the fact that I might kill him now. All this is far behind me. Far behind the cover of anger. Blow after blow. This gives me satisfaction. All I have in my mind is the sight of Charles crying, and that is enough for me to massacre his face. Finally, some people catch me and lift me off the boy, which I try to pull out, but they don't let me. I spit in the direction of the lying, unconscious Hamilton, who is approached by terrified friends. The security guard pushes me away, shouting that he is calling the police, but despite the pain that is starting to come back to me, I run away terrified of what I was able to do.

I run by heart. My legs know the direction in which I will be safe. I stop only in front of the door, which I quickly knock on and look around terrified. I don't recognize myself. I don't know why I did it.

Suddenly a sleepy Daniel stands in the doorway and when he notices me, he rolls his eyes, looking at me in a stupor. I breathe loudly, holding my ribs, and swallow my saliva loudly.

"Please..." I whisper, and he immediately, seeing what I mean, takes a step to the side so that I can go inside. I do so immediately, and he closes the door, looking at me carefully.

"Max, you scare me." He says directly as I continue to remain silent, standing with my back to him.

I walk toward the couch and sit down on it, wincing in pain. I rest my elbows on my knees and tangle my fingers in my hair, thinking what to say. I feel his gaze on me.

"I did something stupid." I close my eyes.

"Max, tell me what the hell is going on, because I'm worried!" he crouches down across from me, taking my hands so he can see my face.

"I became infatuated with him." I whisper, opening my eyes. I look at him in pain, at which he raises a puzzled eyebrow, not expecting these words. "I had a crush on him so long ago, and I kept pushing it away, thinking that every friend does things like we do. I tried not to love him when we reconciled. I tried not to love him when we didn't act like we were just friends. I tried not to love him when everyone told me otherwise. But today... When he came to me crying and told me what Hamilton had done to me, I.... I didn't want that, Daniel. I really don't know how it happened. When I saw him, I felt anger and the need to protect Charles from him and.... Fuck, I don't even know if he's alive." I get tangled up in words, not seeing what to say. I start to panic, and the boy tries to be calm and listens to me carefully.