Queen of Nothing

23. enough

"Jesus," he muttered before ushering me inside and helping me up the stairs, "you reek." 

"Thank you baby," I slurred, before leaning on him. I frowned to myself, "Where's Milo?" 

"Out," he replied, "I don't know when he'll be back." 

"Great," I murmured, "don't need him seeing me like this." And it was the truth. I didn't want him witnessing messy Mahi, in all her glory. And frankly, I was secretly happy when it was Cole who answered, not Milo. If anything, I was counting on it. 

"Were you drunk driving?" He asked, the concern palpable in his tone, as we entered his room. 

"I guess," I muttered, my eyes fluttering close, "that would depend on what your definition of drunk driving." 

"What the hell is going on?" He laid me gently on the bed. 

I shrugged, "I don't know anymore."

"Here," he touched the cold rim of a water bottle to my mouth, "drink." 

I took a couple of experimental sips, and recoiled, "What is that, water?" 

"Yeah," he deadpanned, "I'm trying to sober you up because you're wasted on a random Wednesday evening." 

"Hey it's 5'oclock somewhere in the world," I joked, before planting my face into his sheets. 

"This isn't funny," he chided before rolling me to face him, "what happened?" 

At the sound of his gentle tone, I crumpled up and felt the tears stream down my face, "Oh, you know. The usual. Columbia doesn't want me. You don't want me. Student council, prom, my future. None of it's mine anymore." 

He let out a sigh, "Mahi, I'm so sorry. I know Columbia was your dream." 

"Yeah, well dreams are for suckers," I murmured bitterly, "I have to be more realistic now, don't I?" 

"This is just the alcohol talking," he reassured me, "I know you don't think like this." 

"It's not," I insisted, before rolling up to face him, "it's all I've thought about lately." This is rock bottom, I thought, this truly is rock bottom. I am crying to my ex boyfriend about my life because I quite literally have no one else. I almost wanted to laugh at the irony of it all, the way I was desperately clinging onto whatever remnants of my past life that I had left. 

As Cole's hand caressed my cheek, I leaned into his touch, craving the comfort that only he could provide. 

"This isn't the end of it all," he promised, "it'll only get better."  as his fingers lingered, a flicker of uncertainty crossed his features, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"No it won't," I sobbed, "I'm so tired. Everything I worked for, it's all gone. It's all an illusion." 

I collapsed against him and he held onto me firmly as I nestled into his side. Our bodies were still molded together, fused as if meant for one another, yet everything felt wrong. 

"Mahi it's not over yet," he murmured, rubbing his hand on my back. 

I shook my head, my voice cracking,"I don't know that anymore. I don't know what I have left anymore." 

"You have so much, don't talk like that." He replied, his voice low. 

I turned to face him, my eyes still brimming with tears. I sniffled once and locked eyes with him, the green of his eyes piercing into mine. I leaned in, whispering, 

"Do I still have you?" 

He looked down at me, pain and confusion lanced in his eyes, "Mahi-" 

I leaned up, met his lips, and started to kiss him. But he remained unmoving against me,