Queen of Nothing

21. Gia

"What the fuck?" I whispered, unsure of whether or not to believe the sight in front of my eyes, "What the fuck?" 

Gia looked uncomfortable.

I remained silent, unsure of what to say, how to respond, what to feel, what to think. I stared at her, my mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions, from fear, anger, to longing and confusion. And then back to anger. 

The chaos parted in my mind, but one thing was clear. My long lost sister, who I'd spent years searching for, worrying for, scared for, she'd come back. Hurricane Gia had come back to her origin, and all I wanted to do was fall to the ground and sob. Or throw a toaster at her, whichever felt better. 

"Do you want me to go?" Milo's gentle voice broke through the haze, clearing some of the confusion. His concern was palpable, and so was his need to support me, but this was something I had to do by myself. 

"I think that's a good idea," I murmured, not quite looking at him. He nodded curtly, before waving to Gia, 

"Welcome back." I heard the door close after him and I grappled with the silence, the reality, the shock of it all. 

She grinned, before turning to me, "He got cute. You doing him?" 

"Gia," surprised at how calm I'd sounded, "What the hell are you doing here?" 

She shifted uncomfortably under my gaze, avoiding mine as if my scrutiny were burning her. 

"I...I wanted to see you. I missed you, Mahi." She admitted, her voice wavering. 

My heart clenched at her words, anger spewing like venom behind my teeth, "After all these years of us searching for you, the money we spent, the hours we lost...what you came back because you missed me?" 

She balled up her fists with anxiety, like she did when she was younger, "Yeah--I thought we could talk, maybe? And I could explain?"

"You want to explain?" I repeated, numbly. 

"Yeah," she nodded, "It's complicated, but you have to know I didn't leave because of you." 

"So why did you?" I asked meekly, "Why did you leave? Without a note, without so much as a phone call for four years...why?" 

Gia's gaze flickered with a mixture of guilt and regret, and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of the vulnerable sister I once knew buried beneath the facade of indifference.

"I... I can't tell you everything right now," she began, her voice barely above a whisper, "But I promise, Mahi, I had my reasons. It wasn't about you, it was... it was about me."

Her words hung heavy in the air, and I struggled to make sense of it all, the anger dancing sharp on my tongue, so at odds with my need to run into her arms and cry like a child. 

"But why now?" I demanded, the bitterness seeping into my voice despite my efforts to remain composed, "Why come back after all this time? Why not sooner?"

Gia hesitated, her eyes clouded with uncertainty, before she finally spoke, her words tinged with regret.

"I... I messed up, Mahi," she admitted, her voice trembling with emotion, "I thought I could handle it on my own, that I didn't need anyone else. But... but I was wrong. And now, I... I need your help."

The vulnerability in her tone struck a chord in me, and I was transported back to all those years I'd prayed at night for her returned, the fantasies I'd concocted about what we would do when we'd reconnected. We'd embrace, forgive everything immediately, cry a little and then live happily ever after.