Caught in the Middle

Chapter 33

"I know your hesitant about seeing a marriage councilor, seeing how you don't trust easily. We both know if you change therapists now, that it will take forever to break through those walls around you." I cringe inward, not enjoying the prospect of having to open up to someone new from the very beginning. Diane already summed me up during her times assisting the firehouse, and she easily earned my trust. I don't think I'll manage to trust some clinical therapist with my most vulnerable feelings like I do with a fellow firefighter.

"Unfortunately, I'm still not qualified to be a couple's therapist and as much as I like you, Bishop, I'm not willing to change careers to help you have a healthy relationship. But I talked to a colleague of mine about your situation. His solution is to potentially have me collaborate with Carina's therapist." I sit up straighter, intrigued by her idea. When she sees that I'm open to what she's saying, she continues. "We're not going to be giving out marriage advice, but we can adjust our treatment approach of the two of you individually, to benefit your relationship."

I vigorously nod my head up and down, loving the idea. Carina brought up marriage counselling again after our fight, thinking out loud how we should probably deal with our past instead of running away from it, but I completely freaked out. She took back her idea as soon as I explained to her how hard it would be, but that I'd be willing to give it a shot. "I'll discuss it with her as soon as she gets home. I think she'll be very keen on giving it a try." Diane makes a note of it on her schedule, telling me that she'll be willing to talk to Carina herself and explain the logistics of things to her.

If the conversation with my wife goes well, we can pencil in a meeting with the four of us to introduce a level of trust between us. "Okay! Enough talking shop, let's get to this LIC exam figured out." I snicker on my laugh at the acronym the fire department decided to bestow on my little project. Lieutenants-In-Charge seems to be the go-to title for the firefighters if they pass the expertly crafted exams which I have meticulously planned and will be executing tomorrow if this meeting goes well.

"Thanks for checking in, Dr. Lewis. And thank you again for helping with the psychological aspects of the test. Especially at this hour, but I've been so busy giving each lieutenant a fair chance these last few shifts and having a meeting with the union every day. I thought I'd have time for a proper sit down, but I seem to have run out of time." I share my screen with her over the call, running through the details of the simulation, in case she wants to incorporate a change. I open my flowchart for the score structure, picking her brain about the physical tests too.

I mean, she was a decorated firefighter before she got injured. "So, for the psychological part of things. I want to incorporate something into every phase to see if the candidates have what it takes to lead a team. Humility, self-control, accountability, adaptability and most importantly, courage." She stays silent as I explain to her how I thought to bring forth the qualities I'm looking for, while she takes notes on the table next to her.

"...and that's it. If the candidate scores above 90%, they get the gig." I flip through the printed pack of the proposal I sent through to the Union, widening my eyes at all the notes on the margins of the pages. "Damn, Bishop. Just when I think I know everything about you, you come out and impress the hell out of me. If this test was in place for the actual captain's exam, the bad seeds would never have gotten the promotion and so many lives could have been saved." Hearing the genuine pride in someone's voice that I admire as much as Diane, is better than any words of affirmation I ever managed to deserve from my father.

"That's why I started this project. It's hard enough watching the people we're supposed to be protecting, die when it's unavoidable. But having a brother in arms die with civilians because of poor leadership and incompetence, is just unacceptable." As much as I respect Andy, her mistakes during the warehouse fire only highlighted the problems we have inside the department. When I got things sorted out with the Becketts, I couldn't understand why sleep was evading me again. So, one night I got up and started making a list of all the lives lost and mistakes made.