Opposites attract

Chapter 19(Ashika)

I need to talk to someone. I have called Yakshi 3 times but she is not picking up, her phone must be on silent. Sahika and Kali don't know about my past and I can't talk to Mumma because it will only bring her pain back.

So I have just one option left which is why I am standing across the lobby, outside Neil's room waiting for him to open the door. Neil opens the door with a sympathetic look on his face and I have a thought of running back to my room but I know that will only lead to another panic attack so I stay here and say, "Can we talk?"

"Ya sure, please come inside.", Neil says and steps away from the door to make way for me. I walk inside the room and towards a chair but Neil stops me and says, "sit on the bed. Its more comfortable."

I follow his request and take a sit on bed. He sits beside me and I ask him, "I hope I am not disturbing you."

"You can never disturb me popcorn. Did you have dinner."

I shook my head in no. he ordered Kathi rolls, tacos and butterscotch ice cream for us.

"You don't like butterscotch ice-cream.", I said to him after he kept the phone down.

"No but you do.", that brings a smile to my face, "now tell me popcorn, what do you want to talk about?"

"Nothing in specific. It's just that I didn't want to be alone."

"I get it", he puts a reassuring hand on shoulder.

We talk about everything and nothing for the next few minutes. None of us mentioned what happened in the car. The doorbell indicates the arrival of our food. Neil took the tray from the waiter and placed it in between us on the bed. Seeing all my favorite dishes in front of me made my heart swell and I wanted to pour all my emotions out.

We started eating and our chatting continued. It was after we had completed out meal and moved to the dessert when Neil addressed the elephant in the room, "Can you please tell me something about your sister?", my hand froze midway to my mouth and my eyes widened in shock.

"I don't want to pressurize you", he continued, "it's just that I have never seen you in such a vulnerable state in the last 12 years and honestly it was quite disturbing. I just wanted to make sure you were okay but I didn't know how to. So I want to know about your sister. It's okay if you don't-"

"I was in my graduation final year, when my sister got married.", I interrupted him. I needed to talk to someone about this just as much as he wants to know. "She was 4 years older to me. She was the most cheerful person I had ever known. She loved to sing and dance, in fact she was the one who thought me dance." I stop to breath and clear my mind.

"Her husband lost his job around a year after her marriage. Her in-laws started taunting her about all the tiny things. They said that she was a bad omen for them. They sold her jewelry for money, but even that wasn't enough for them. They started beating her." I wiped tears away from my cheeks."

She never told anything to our parents because she had accepted that her in-laws were right and she was the reason of everything bad that was happening in their house. Then one day she found out that she was pregnant, she thought that everything will change and her in-laws would start loving her. But that didn't happen, she had a miscarriage because of not getting proper care." I looked up and found Neil trying to hide his own tears.

"Papa decided to bring her back to our house but didi refused. When the news got to her husband, he danged her head against the wall. They took her to the hospital because of the bleeding and made up a story about her slipping on wet floor."

"She was well in about a week but even after so much her in-laws didn't stop bickering at her. After a month, she committed suicide. Mumma and papa tried their best to prove that she had done it because of her in-laws but no body supported them. At last it was stated that didi was in depression after her miscarriage which is why she took such a step."

The story ended and both of us sat there in silence trying to stop us from crying. After a few seconds, Neil gave me a reassuring hug. He let me out of his embrace before speaking, "you said back in the car that you couldn't save your sister. Why do you blame yourself?"

"I was in Mumbai, perusing my masters when all of this happened. I think I could have saved her if I was back home in Chandigarh."

"You wouldn't have been able to do much, not more your parents."

"I know but it still doesn't fell right."

"Is she the reason why don't want to get married?"

I just nod my head in yes. I don't have the strength in me to utter a single word and he gets it. "I think you should go and get some rest. We have to leave for the airport in 2 hours.", he says and gets up from the bed to open the door.

"I don't want to be alone right now.", I say under my breath without even looking at him.

He turns to look at me, "okay then stay here."

"Thank you so much Neil."

"No need to thank me popcorn, you would have done the same thing.", I nod again, "can I ask you something?"

"Yes, sure.", I reply with a small smile.

"Do you have these nightmares often?"

"No, initially I used to have nearly every night but with time, they got better."

"Then why today?"

"because of the conversation we had in the car. You asked the reason I had changed so much over the years and I thought about didi all day which resulted in the nightmares."

"I am so sorry Ashu. I had no idea it was something this serious. Please forgive me."

"It's okay Neil, I t was not your fault."

"Does Yakshi know about this?"

"Well, she does know about didi and that she was the reason behind the change of my attitude."

"But she doesn't know about your nightmares. Right?"

"Yes, and I would prefer if you didn't tell her."

"Of course popcorn. As you say."

We switched to lighter topics and had different conversations over the next hour. After that I went to my room to freshen up. I changed into comfortable clothes for the flight and completed my packing. 

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In the flight we sat together and watched a movie. After reaching Mumbai Neil insisted to drop me off in his cab but I refused knowing that he is doing all this because of guilt. He still thinks he is the reason I had that nightmare and I can see that in his face.

After I reached home, I dropped my bag in the living room and went to my room. I thought of texting Yakshi but found my phone discharged. I plugged my phone to the charger and went off to sleep. Next morning I switched on my phone to find missed calls from Mumma, Neil and Yakshi. There were also 20-25 messages from Neil and Yakshi asking if I had reached home safely or not.

The first call I made was to Neil, he picked up the call in just one ring and asked if I was kay or not. I had a small conversation with him and told him to inform Yakshi about my safety as well. I called Mumma after bathing and having breakfast. She asked me 100 questions about my trip. She is also asked me if I was happy with Neil and I said yes to her.

This wasn't a complete lie. I had started to like spending time with Neil, at least as a friend not like I am going to tell this to him. It will just boost his ego. I have had this kind of thoughts many times in the last few days and yesterday's incident proved that I was right. Neil was not as bad as I thought he was. Yes, he was still bit annoying and irritated me sometimes. Especially the fact he gets to stay home with his family while I have to work day and night always got me.

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