Patience is Waning

Part 7 - Heartsore

"Why don't you pick your clothes and put it in the laundry basket.. I'm not your wife you know". Ishan had said it without thinking, out of habit. He wanted to slap himself, him and his big mouth.

He didn't dare to look at Shubman who was lounging on the bed. The lazy ass. Ishan was sure he would be smirking right now. Argh.

"Ishan, I've a proposition to make"

"Eh?"

"Come here" Shubman patted the space next to him. Ishan sat a little distance away not daring to sit too close. He'd probably jump Shubman's bones ok!? So sue him for trying to act sane. However, who cared about his sanity. Definitely not Shubman who pulled him closer like he were a little kitten or something. FFS!!!

"So Ish.. baby" Shubman used his softest tone of voice and Ishan's insides had all melded into one single entity. There was nothing he would say no to when Shubman used that voice. He should later (when not love sick) investigate whether Shubman knows hypnosis or maybe some kind of black magic because he was under his spell and he didn't even resent it.

"Tell me all the things I don't do that bug you. I'll do better."

"Just like that?"

"Well... you can give me a kiss every time I do something. As a reward"

"Fker.." Ishan pushed him away. He had gotten too close for comfort and what? Kiss! Pfft!

"Not on the lips. Just like you used to. I miss that Ish"

"Forehead kiss when you've to comfort me. Cheek kiss when you're proud of me. Neck kiss when you're hugging me lovingly. Hand kiss when you think I played well. Kiss on the Eyes when you're being really sweet"

Ishan looked stricken. Shubman sounded so sincere and heartfelt, there was no part of Ishan that could resist this vulnerable, honest Shubman. He surged ahead enveloped the younger man in a tight embrace and had kissed his neck without a second thought.

Ishan sat back gazing lovingly at Shubman who held his face in his palms slowly running a thumb over his right cheek. It looked like he was going in for the big kiss which led Ishan to panic momentarily. Instead he gently kissed him on his cheek.

It was an electrifying feeling. They stared at each other.

The eventful night they spent together flashed in front of their eyes. Ishan closed his eyes as he remembered how he had desperately held on to Shubman. The waves of pleasure, the dirty talk, it all made him shudder at how turned on he was. Even worse was the sweet talk because it was mixed with the care, the love they held, the nick names they had for each other.

Ishan was still unsure of what he wanted to do next? He hadn't spoken to anybody. He didn't know what he would say and also worried about how he would get judged. Why was Shubman so calm? Why was he waiting so patiently for Ishan to take a step.

"Gill.. can I ask you something"

Shubman nodded.

"About what happened. I'm still not sure how to react to it. Why're you so calm about it?"

"What do you mean? I'm not calm"

"Oh trust me bro. Umm.. not bro." They laughed at that. "But what I'm saying is you're way calmer than I'm."

"What's upsetting you Ishh?"

"What's not upsetting you Shub?" Ishan asked in return.

"I'm not sure you're ready to hear this"

"Try me"

"I am not upset about what happened. That's all."

Ishan moved closer to Shubman, facing him, knees touching.

"I want to know why. Tell me everything you're thinking"

"Everything?" Shubman smirked.

"Stop it" Ishan swatted him on his biceps. "But seriously, tell me"

"Truth is Ish.. I loved every moment of that night. The kisses, the desire I felt.. the.."

"Ok stop. I know what all happened..

just tell me how you felt" Ishan said blushing to the roots of his hair.

Shubman giggled. "Uff my shy baby"

Ishan swatted at him again this time missing him completely. Shubman caught his hands in his.

"I liked what we did Ish. I liked how I felt when I was with you. I liked the look on your face. I just realized there's nobody in the world like you. That everything I've felt until then made sense because of how I felt when with you."

Ishan felt an unusual sensation enveloping him. It was warmth but it also felt like butterflies.

"It's ok if you don't feel that way yet. Or maybe never" Shubman gulped. "But I think it's fair to say I love you. Like not in the way we say to each other but in every way possible. Friend. Lover. Platonically, romantically, sexually, I love you in every way possible."

He stared at Ishan's hand in his. "But I'll take whichever way you prefer me. Just friends. Just lovers. Even if it's just to experiment."

Ishan wanted to cry. He may not be sure about his feelings but this Shubman in front of him was making him emotional. He had placed his whole heart in front of Ishan letting him stomp all over it if he chooses to. Just trusting him with his vulnerabilities.

"Meri jaan.. you know I love you way too much to disregard your feelings in anyway. Please don't think I'll ever deliberately do anything to hurt you.."

He took his hand from Shubman's and turned it around, kissing his knuckles.

"I just don't know about my sexuality or my true feelings.. do you believe me when I say that?"

Shubman nodded his head in understanding.

"I don't want to commit to something I can't see through. I definitely don't want to break your heart or our bond"

Shubman smiled.

"What?"

"Can you blame me for loving you? You're the most loving, caring and kind person I know, baby.."

Ishan blushed again. "Don't think you can flatter your way into my heart" he said trying to inject a bit of levity into the situation.

"I think I'm good. I'm already in your heart anyway"

"You.." Ishan pushed him causing Shubman to fall towards the headboard of the bed .

"Ouch" Shubman held his head, rubbing it.

"Let me look" Ishan moved closed to check on Shubman. Shubman pulled Ishan closer bringing him to his lap.

Ishan protested. "Ugh.. were you lying"

"No, but I'm Ok. But just this once, stay here for a moment" he put his head on Ishan's shoulder. Ishan stiffened then relaxed gently rubbing Shubman's back.

"I feel so much for you baby.. I don't know what to do.. so forgive me if I do things you're not expecting me to. I promise to behave. I just need some time"

Ishan wrapped both his arms around Shubman and held him tight.

"When you say things like that I feel so heartsore..Meri jaan" Ishan kissed Shubman's shoulder as the emotion he's been feeling threatened to overwhelm him.