Just You

Feeling Down (9)

This past month and a half had been a pain in the arse for Draco. When he decided to stop interacting with Hermione, he at first felt it was a good decision. He had more time to focus on school, and even make some time for his friends.
He regretted it more and more as time went on. He would see her face in class and in their dorm, and know that it was horrible to treat her this way. But he couldn't just go up to her now and say,
"Hey, I know that I've been completely ignoring you for quite some time, but now I'd like your full forgiveness, start being sort-of friends again, and maybe snog you from time to time." Draco was pretty sure he would get slapped in the face again.
Plus, homework was a bitch. Now that he was actually taking classes that were hard for him, he was constantly trying to keep up. Every time he'd think he was on track, he would miss something and be behind again. At least he had Hermione fooled. When he would know the answer, his hand would shoot up faster than hers. He'd give her his best smirk after getting right, just to mess with her head a bit. He did still like teasing her. But other than that, he didn't know anything that was happening in his classes.
And with tutoring four kids, he felt like a failure. How could he teach someone else when he wasn't even learning the material? Draco had a kid in potions that he took on mondays, a DADA kid on wednesdays and a Runes kid on sunday morning, as well as a Transfiguration kid on sunday nights. Sometimes, when he didn't know what to do for lessons, he would spy on Hermione with one of hers. Turns out, she was a bloody good teacher. She was amazing at asking questions and creating problems for kids to solve that were effective. Sometimes when explaining a subject, she'd get carried away and start rambling on with a smile on her face.
Draco loved when she did that. For his prefect duties, it was pretty boring. They were planning a concert of sorts for Halloween. But Draco's focus was on what Blaise had warned him about. He cornered a group of them in the hallway the other day and basically scared the living shit out of them to not do anything. But thirteen year olds weren't so easily detested.
But aside from all of that, Draco had started getting letters from his mother. He loved his mother dearly, but Draco just needed some time. All her letters were about coming home and visiting Azkaban and forgiving his father. That was his mother's one flaw; that she loved his father. No matter what kind of horrible person he was. Draco couldn't understand it. He had abused Draco as a boy, trained him against his will, forced him into a cult, and doomed their family for eternity. His father was disgusting, and Draco never wanted to see him again.
So when the letters started arriving and never stopped, he needed a solution. Alcohol had never been his first answer. But Blaise had convinced him to come to one Slytherin party, and things got out of hand. Draco discovered that if you get drunk enough, you can't feel anything. He never wanted to turn back to it, but he always drank too much.
He knew Hermione had started staying up for his sake. He would remember faint flashes of her worried face or her yelling at him, and he knew that when he was drunk, he was cold. He didn't know why she kept staying for him if he was just going to be mean to her every time, but she did regardless.
So when you put all of that together, his life had been pretty shitty of late. He was stretched thin, and so when Hermione finally broke and suggested they talk, a part of Draco thanked her for having the guts to do so. That, and she had said his name. Draco meant it when he said to her that he loved hearing her say it. Something about it was almost refreshing after years of calling each other by their last names.
Draco's friday was uneventful for the most part, until he felt himself pulled in the direction of the dungeons after dinner.
"Hey, what the hell-"
"Oh, shut up, Draco." Pansy Parkinson was practically dragging him to the Slytherin common room.
"If this is another party, I'm sorry Pansy, but-"
"No, you twad. It's an intervention." Pansy walked them into the Slytherin common room. And forcefully made Draco sit on one of the couches. When he was settled, he saw a number of his friends there. Astoria and Daphne Greengrass, Theordore Nott, Blaise Zabini, and of course Pansy. Theo was the one to speak first.
"Listen mate, we're really concerned about you. When Blaise started inviting you to these parties just over a month ago, we didn't think it'd be much of a big deal, but-"
"Wait, you mean to tell me this is about my DRINKING PROBLEM?"
"Yes." Astoria cut in now. "Draco, I always thought you had a good time at parties, but over the summer when you told me you were taking things seriously and wouldn't be around much, I thought that was a good thing." Pansy was the next to talk.
"And when we saw you with Granger, we thought it was weird, but good for you in a way." Blaise spoke then.
"But Drake, at every party, you're going too far. You're the first and last one to empty a bottle, and it's not healthy."
Damn. Draco didn't think it was that bad. Although, sometimes he would just black out in the middle of a party and wake up in his bed. That was probably bad.
He knew that he didn't like to face his trauma and bury it away, but who doesn't? Daphne then caught his attention.
"Draco, I know this has something to do with your parents. You left a letter from your mother here the other day. It's okay. All of us are going through the same thing."
"Yeah, by the way," Theo began, "If you ever want to bond over dads getting thrown into Azkaban, you know where to find me. We're here for you. Draco felt so stupid. He was hiding away like a coward thinking he was the only one when clearly his friends were also in the same situation. He felt selfish.
"Listen, Drake. As your best friend, I'm forbidding you from a Slytherin party for the next month." Blaise looked happy with himself. He knew it was the right move, but he didn't want to be babysat. He huffed and got up.
"Thank you all for the enlightenment. Seriously though, I will talk to you if I need anything. See you guys later." He walked out and headed towards his dorm. He didn't know how to explain it, but he felt a little empty. Having his friends call him out had been extremely humbling. He needed someone to talk to, and he didn't mean his friends.
He wanted to talk to her. If it were any other day he would have taken a huge swish from his stash of firewhiskey, but there was something about today.
+++
When Draco got to the room and opened the door, he was drained. Hermione was already there, as usual, with a book and parchment on the couch. She looked up and seemed surprised to see him.
"Oh, you're here. I thought you might be attending the Slytherin Halloween party tonight."
"Yeah, I think it's better if I take a break from that for now." He waited for her reaction, trying to gauge how she felt about him.
"Hm. So do you admit that it was bad for you?" Draco took a seat next to her on the couch.
"Maybe. Maybe I wanted to do it for you." Draco was baiting her. She laughed. A good laugh.
"That was actually funny. But really, I was worried about you. I was going to talk to you about it tomorrow." She turned to him. "I have been meaning to say, I'm glad you're really trying in class now. No matter how much I loathe you being smarter than me at times, I like some healthy competition. And it's good to see you succeeding." Draco held back a laugh, he was anything but succeeding. Sure, he was doing fine, but fine was not going to cut it. If Granger wanted healthy competition, he was just going to have to try harder.
"I'm glad you think so. I've been so distracted recently. I wanted to apologize for how I've been acting. I'll explain more tomorrow."
"Good, because you're going to need a lot more than that to get you back in my good graces." Malfoy Chuckled at the remark.
"Good. How's your DADA work coming along?"
"Oh, god. Honestly, it's been difficult. I thought Arithmancy was going to be my hardest class. This one took me by surprise." Malfoy looked at her parchment on the table, and the information she had gathered for the assignment. They were supposed to present evidence on the best way to defeat a boggart without the Ridikulous spell. Which was basically impossible.
"I've been struggling with this one too. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to present." He looked at Hermione who was thinking of something. After a moment she spoke.
"You know, we could work together? I don't know if that disrupts your schedule or anything but I think it would benefit both of us in the long run." Draco smiled internally. This was what he needed. Some pressure lifted off his plate while getting to spend time with Hermione without seeming too eager.
"Granger, you've got yourself a deal." She smiled at him. He wished he could stay, but he was dead tired. "I'm going to head off to bed. Goodnight, Granger."
"Goodnight."