Jaywon AO3 stories :)

❕If these walls could talk; stardustjaywons

Lately had been a different story, though. Jay seemed spaced out and far away, almost like he was tiptoeing around what he wanted - needed? - to say. Jungwon couldn't place why, but it made his heart heavy. How could Jay, someone so confident, shut himself away so effectively in the space of seven days? What could his friends do to help - what could Jungwon do to help?

"Jungwon-ah...?"

How hadn't jungwon noticed Jay's voice was shaky and watery? He stood up and met Jay's furrowed brow through the glass door. Relief flooded his expression as Jay walked towards the door, pulling it open and breathing out white wisps into the cold air.

"There you are, Wonie. I was afraid you'd... I don't know, walked out alone, or something." ('Again,' Jay kindly left unspoken.)

The oldest took a long look over at his leader. Jungwon shifted uncomfortably under his scrutinising glare. He'd always felt like Jay was the one person who could see directly through him. Without exerting even the smallest amount of effort he could instantly tune into Jungwon's thoughts, it seemed.

He knew he himself probably didn't look in a much better state than Jay. He was shivering from the early October air, breath ghosting around his face in silky ribbons as he exhaled. His hair was likely a mess - a direct result of the dance practice from earlier in the evening, and then letting it air dry after his shower. He wondered, absently, if Jay could see the bags and shadows lining his eyes.

The silence overcame them. Jay closed the door behind him, keeping the warm air inside their dorm, and took a seat next to Jungwon on one of the seats that Riki had begged their manager for when they first moved in. Jungwon smiled, privately, thinking back to the early days of ENHYPEN. They'd all been so naive, thinking they were ready for whatever debut had to offer them. Maybe they were ready; Jungwon reflected, a little bitterly.

The others - maybe they were better cut out for it. The members themselves had seen how naturally their eldest controlled the stage even from the first time they met Heeseung. They'd all seen how Jake worked harder and harder to improve himself. They'd seen Sunoo's resilience, Riki's passion, Sunghoon's effortless energy... Jay's love and determination. But what about Jungwon? How had he shown them he was fit to lead them into success as ENHYPEN? Once upon a time, maybe even less than a year ago, Jungwon had known. Now, though? He wasn't sure.

And so manifested Jungwon's nagging fear. The fear he wasn't right for this. Logically, he knew in himself that he was doing alright so far. He couldn't let himself discredit his members' belief in him, he trusted them enough to work hard as their leader. But the constant pressure couldn't help but throw him off every now and then.

He felt Jay sigh next to him, "Wonie." He hummed in response. Another sigh.

"Yes, hyung?"

"Wh... What are you doing out here? It's late, and cold... And you're freezing," Jay emphasised by breathing out heavily, watching as the air turn white and disappear into the moonlight.

Jungwon sent him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm not sure. Couldn't sleep... I came out here to think." Well, that was the truth, wasn't it?

Jay furrowed his eyebrows slightly, but decided to entertain the younger, "Okay. What are you thinking about?"

"The moon." He replied, taking his eyes off of Jay, like a trance being broken. He still felt the other's stare clear as day, though.

"The... Moon...?" Jay repeated slowly, like he was waiting for a punchline. Jungwon just nodded his head, raising his vision up to the sky and staring back to the moon.

Finally, he felt Jay's eyes shift away from his own face, and follow Jungwon's up. The elder let out what sounded like a chuckle, and the sound effectively remedied the freezing air moving its way into Jungwon's body. He'd always wondered the science behind that, if there was any. Jay just had that effect on people; on him.