Jaywon AO3 stories :)

But i loved you (i couldnt help it)

This one is literally one of my favs too. I can't like omg, also light angst. super long but super worth it. TRUSSTT.
Implied mentions of underage sex, character death, depression

but i loved you (i couldn't help it)
capturingstars (bclark)

Summary:

His words spilled out before he could stop them. For a moment he was afraid that it would scare Jay. This was the first time they had held hands in years and here Jungwon was saying that he wanted a future with him. His high school love. His first love. His only love.

When his eyes shifted upwards once again, however, he wasn't greeted with a look of fear or shock. Instead there was a crooked smile and starry eyes and a question.

"What are you doing on Sunday?"

For the past three years, Jungwon felt like he was only pretending that the road ahead went on for them when all signs were clearly pointing to a dead end.

Nevertheless, tonight felt like a beginning.
Notes:

This is my first completed story in several years. Something about Jay and Jungwon's dynamic made me want to write about them. They truly mean so much to me. I poured my heart into this fic and some of the events that take place in it were inspired by my own experiences with religion and sexuality. I hope that you'll enjoy it.

Special thank you to my soulmates for reading over it and giving me feedback before I decided to post it. I love ya'll.
(See the end of the work for more notes.)
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NOW

Even his good side didn't look right.

With every rotation, turn, and tilt of his head, his reflection didn't feel like his own. The corners of Jungwon's lips went down as if puppet strings had tugged them.

It was only two days ago that Jungwon was sitting on the floor of his mom's living room watching old family videos. They fondly laughed at the little boy in them who dreamed of becoming a professional athlete and was scolded for drawing stars on the tiles of their bathroom floor. His older sister had taught him how to draw them. He wanted them everywhere and in every marker color he owned.

That same little boy grew up to train in taekwondo for seven years, but he found more joy in performing. He joined his high school show choir which went on to win grand champion more times than he could count on one hand. Jungwon had at least one solo every year because his vocals were most stable while dancing. Every competition, his parents would boast to all their church friends. They were always proud of their son. He is their only son. Jungwon always felt pressure because of this. However, the pressure was almost always his own.

That same little boy grew up to also find joy in actual stars. After he got his license, he would drive to a spot that his friend had told him about. His friend insisted that Jungwon would appreciate its beauty. His friend knew him well. It was a bluff. Acres of land stretched below it and in the distance there were hills and trees that went on forever. No city lights disturbed the sky. He could see all the stars.

Someone once told him that he captured the stars in his eyes. Jungwon's cheeks turned crimson and he wondered all night if they had noticed.

Jungwon didn't recognize the twenty-one year old man staring back at him, but he recognized the little boy in the videos. Jungwon saw the stars in his eyes. He left those stars behind long ago.

It was also two days ago that Jungwon received a message from an old friend, Jake. It was the same friend who told him about the bluff. Jake is also Korean, but he wasn't born in America nor did he move from Korea like Jungwon did. He was born and raised in Australia. His family emigrated to the midwest when he was fifteen. His accent is still strong as if he never left. Jungwon had picked up speaking habits from him. Sometimes he'll still catch himself using Jake's Aussie slang or randomly pulling an accent. He hasn't seen Jake in years, but he'll smile to himself knowingly in those occasional moments.