Beauty in the cracks

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Jungkook realized that he had been walking for a long time, with no destination in mind, and tears streaming down his face. He had gotten a few strange looks, people had stopped to ask him if he was okay or needed help, and each time he waved them off with a soft ‘no thank you, I'm fine’ and continued walking. He reached for his phone again, only to remember he had left it at the club. He didn't leave it on purpose, though he felt like it was a better idea anyway. He figured that by now, Hoseok and Tae had tried texting and calling before they realized it was at the bar next to his unfinished drink. 

He just needed air, but his feet wouldn't stop once they started. His brain was a mess, his thoughts were all over the place, and it took a solid two hours before he stopped shaking from the fear that had slammed through him. He had never told Shownu ‘no’ he hadn't argued back in such a long time that the experience had shaken him up more than he thought it would. He could also see things clearly now. Detached from the situation, running through the stages of grief- anger, denial, sadness, acceptance (whatever order they're supposed to be in) He felt them all. 

Acceptance was the hardest one, but he can see it so clearly now that it's like looking at his memories through a crystal clear magnifying glass that he wished he had sooner. There was no denying it now. He had been abused by Shownu. And Shownu might not have physically cheated on him, but he did cheat emotionally. It's funny, considering that's how he abused Jungkook, too. Everything was mental and emotional. And now Jungkook will have scars to carry for the rest of his life despite them not being there physically. 

He decided on his walk that he needed to seek help. Real help, a therapist. He needs to find himself again to fix the wounds that are leaking and bleeding on everything and everyone. Maybe the black inkiness had been his own blood all along. He saw a video once about a thing that happens sometimes in the ocean. It's called a brinicle. 

It's referred to as ‘the ice finger of death’ it freezes everything it touches, it comes down through the water like a blue stream of smoke and the little creatures try to run from it but if they're not fast enough they freeze to death on the spot. It kills everything, creatures, plants, whatever the blue smokey finger touches.. for a while, he thought maybe that was him too. But he can see now. It was never him. But now he's.. he's a victim. And that's such a hard word to swallow and accept. 

But, he could, he's going to try. He has to. 

The sun was starting to come up, and it was enough for Jungkook to realize he needed to go home. He might not feel like he deserves it, but it doesn't change the fact that Hobi and Tae were probably really worried for him. So he turned at the next crosswalk and headed in the direction of Hoseok's. 

He kept his head down, focusing on his steps and trying to think of a good enough apology and explanation if they were still up and waiting. When he made it to the street, he looked up and noticed the police cars outside of Hobi's. Their sirens were off, but their lights were on. As he came closer, he saw Namjoon with wet eyes, holding onto a crying Jin. He furrowed his brows, confused as he stepped closer and saw Yoongi beside them in his wheelchair. It didn't make sense.. none of them being there made sense. But he saw Yoongi's fingers intertwined with Jimin's, and that made more sense then. 

Taehyung and Hoseok were in front of them talking to the officers when Tae looked up and locked eyes with him from down the sidewalk, he nudged Hoseok who looked up with tears running down his face, Jungkook's heart shattered and Hoseok took off in a run towards him. 

All of these people, these beautiful, light, loving, honest, and caring people, were together for him. They didn't have to be. They didn't need to be, but they were. They chose to be because they chose Jungkook. He started crying again and barely had time to catch Hoseok as he launched himself at Jungkook, wrapping him in the tightest, warmest hug he had ever experienced in his life