Where Our Heart Is

8

Chapter 8

Patalon akong humiga sa kama. I covered my face with my hand. I rolled in bed. Para akong uod sa paglilikot ko sa kama.

Napakagat labi ako at natulala sa kisame ng kwarto ko. Inaalala ang nangyari kanina.

Parang 'di ko ata kayang gawin ang pinapagawa ni Abi sa akin.

Nag-sorry siya sa ginawa niya. Inakala niya pala na galit ako sa kaniya pero kung tutuusin hindi naman ako nagalit. Ayos lang naman sa akin hehe.

Iniisip ko lang ang nagiging apekto niya sa akin. Natatakot ako. Parang natatakot akong mahalin siya.

I'm scared in what will happen to my heart if I'll love him with all my might.

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko ng may kumatok sa pintuan ng kwarto ko. Hindi ko 'yon ni-lock kaya deretsong nabuksan ni Mommy. Sumilip siya at ngumiti sa akin.

"Mom." Bumangon ako at pandekwatrong umupo sa kama.

Mommy closed the door at lumapit sa akin. She sit beside me.

"Did you drink your meds na ba, anak?" She asked while patting my head. It comfort me that's why I hug mommy from the side. I rested my face in her shoulder. She hugged me back.

"Not yet, mom. Hindi pa po ako nakain." I said.

Bahagyang napabangon si Mommy at sumilip sa mukha ko. I look back at her and smiled.

"Kakain naman po ako, Mom. May iniisip lang po ako." I said and pouted.

"Anong nagpapaisip ng malalim sa pinakamamahal kong anak? Hmm?" She asked while her hand massaging my head. After a long exhausting day, this moment with her always comforted me.

"Mom, I have a question. Paano po kayo na-inlove kay Daddy? Bumibilis din po ba ang tibok ng puso niyo kapag lumalapit siya sa inyo o kapag kinakausap niya kayo?"

"Bakit mo natanong? But answering your questions, yes. Because, if you fell in love with someone your heart will always beat for him, anak. I remember, I always got mad at your Dad when he always near or beside me because I always got nervous everytime he's around. It's weird but it's true." Nagkibit balikat si mommy at ngumiti.

"Bakit mo nga pala natanong? It's the first time we talked about love. Are you in love right now?" She asked. Nanlaki ang mata ko at napabalikwas sa kama.

I swallowed hard. Nanliliit ang matang tumingin sa akin si Mommy at ako naman, natigilan. Hindi alam ang isasagot kay Mommy.

"Yshia, be honest with me, okay? I'm curious and I'll be happy if you open up about things like this to me. I'm your mother and I'll guide you with anything." She softly said. Touched at her words, I pouted and jump to hug my mother.

"I love you, Mommy. Nahihiya lang po ako mag-kwento pero eto na nga po. I liked someone in my room po kasi and... I'm scared. I'm scared to like him more." I paused. Mom didn't talk and waited for me to continue.

Bumangon ako at tumingin kay mommy.

"You know my condition, Mommy. I'm scared that my heart won't contain him. Every beats of my heart hurt me. Natatakot ako, mommy. I'm torn between taking care of myself or freely loving him more." My eyes formed a few tears. But I closed my eyes just to stopped them.

Concern is what I saw on my Mommy's eyes. She sadly smiled at me.

"I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, anak" Mommy's voice broke. "But I don't want you to stop loving someone. You are free to feel everything despite your condition. You can take care of yourself while loving someone, okay? Remember what the Doctor told us? You just needed to monitor and control your emotions."