Arranged-Or-Not

Chapter 9 - Alex

Ever since Rory, Aurora, left for college I couldn't keep her out of my head. I missed a lot of work because of it. I always stayed in my room or my office just working or sleeping.

I never drank, smoked, or did any other substances anymore. I just didn't find the motivation to do anything. I knew I had to discipline myself but it was too difficult.

Milo and Devi noticed I was struggling and set up a doctors appointment for me. I found out I had depression and had to take medication. Which did help.

But I soon quit the mafia and did regular work. I didn't want to go around killing people and making deals. Even though it gave good money it was too much work.

Rory never called, texted, or sent letters. She was just MIA with me. I heard her on the phone sometimes with Devi.

I missed her dearly and I missed having her around. Her arms around me. Her soft voice putting me to sleep.

It is my fault she's gone. If I wasn't so immature and undeveloped. Maybe I would've still had her with me. I cheated and I felt awful. We were at a great place in our relationship and I ruined it all.

I blamed myself for years and I still do. Although I can't change the past or control what she does. If I didn't cheat would she still go to college?

I had no idea what she did after college. I did know where she lived or what she did.

That's why I moved to New York. To get a fresh start. But my past always comes back to me and swallows me up.

I was just getting over the situation and my depression was healing. But Rory just had to show up and make me fall for her all over again.

I never got over our relationships or her. I just healed a bit. But I will always love her. She was the first person to ever show me kindness and show me real love.

But sometimes I question if she really did love me? Did she? Or was she just bored and only wanted me for protection and for a good time? Is that why she left me? Was she lying about it all?

I always questioned that and I felt bad for thinking she would do that. Because deep down I knew she wouldn't. Just that feeling deep down gets covered by my past.

The moment I saw Rory bump into me my stomach flipped. It was really her. Standing in front of me. She called me an asshole but her voice just soothed me.

Watching her walk away felt like a dream. No matter where she walking. Who she's walking to. I just loved seeing her. She looked older but still the same Rory to me.

She barely glanced at me but less than a second was more than enough for me. Feeling her body against mine again was Heaven.

When I saw her I just remembered how much I loved her. And I knew I would try everything in me to get this job. Anything.

I did get the job but Rory didn't act like she liked me. She would always ignore me and give me dirty looks. It was okay. At least she was acknowledging me. That's all I wanted. For her to know I still exist.

I would try so hard for her to talk to me so sweetly like she used to. Her telling me she loved me. Her arms around me as I held her close.

I would volunteer to bring papers to her for my boss or make up some excuse to talk to her. She would always give me the cold shoulder.

Is this what it felt like when I did this to her for the first few weeks we even met? Was it this hard? I felt even more like an asshole. What I've done to her. She didn't deserve one bit of it.

We all had a party to celebrate a new deal with a company. I made sure I dressed nice and got there before Rory so I could see if she came with anyone.

She did. There was this tall man. They looked good together. I was a bit hurt. Until I found out he was gay and actually had a boyfriend. Yeah, I asked around.

I saw two girls- who I knew were Madison and Bella- talking to Rory. They looked like good friends. I was happy that Rory found friends. I hope she had good years in college too.

My eyes didn't leave her once this whole night. She looked so beautiful and mature. It made me feel so good on how happy she looked.

The night ended quickly and the guy she came with -Tanner- left with his boyfriend before asking if Rory needed a ride.

I offered to bring her and she said no. I was dying inside. I really wanted her to be close to me. She finally agreed and I tried to hide how happy I was when we both were in the same car.

My hand almost went to her thigh but I had forgotten we were no longer together.

I was shocked when she kissed me. I was happy she did but also confused. Why did she do this before? Is she just bored? Did she really like me? Was she letting her anger out?

But I knew her. She didn't really like me. She was just angry and needed a way to show it. But her way of showing it was interesting.

I didn't care if she was bored or angry. She was with me. Close to me. On me. Kissing me. That's all I needed and wanted for years.

She seemed happy after. She was wearing my sweatshirt and holding me like she used to.

But in the morning she was the same old Rory. Angry, stubborn, and hurtful. She didn't like me one bit. I knew she blamed it on me. Because I didn't stop her when she was drunk. She didn't even drink that much or at all. But she went back to hating me. Drunk or not.

One night, I stayed in the office a while after everyone left. I had some things to do and I didn't feel like going home.

I'm glad I chose to stay because Rory came back. But her ride was a guy? Was that her new boyfriend? We're they dating?

I tried flirting with Rory but she didn't like it. I asked her to be honest and she was. Very honest.

What she said maybe seemed like it couldn't hurt badly. But it did. Her words rang in my ears. I couldn't get her words out.

My stomach pained. My heart ached. My head pounded. My legs fell. It hurt too much. Because it was true.

I found out that we were all going on a business trip. I was the one who actually arranged it but the boss told me he wouldn't tell anyone and she didn't.

I didn't arrange the seats I just maybe suggested I was near Rory. Why is she going by Aurora now? Did she have such terrible memories from me calling her that?

But I caught her staring at me at the meeting. That gave me a bit of hope for us. For her.

That whole business trip she wouldn't leave me mind. I wanted us on the same floor and we were. It was so great. She was right across from me. I wish I could just go over to her room and lay next to her.

I wish I could tell her how beautiful she is. How kind and compassionate she is. I wish I could.

I still love her. I don't think I can stop.