Under Lock and Key

17: December Daze

But before I could do anything, or make a choice, Donny sprawled on my back and Herman climbed up next to Kelly, smelling like soap.

"We took our showers already," Donny said unnecessarily, since their hair was damp.

Kelly ran his hand though Herman's hair, using his blanket to pat it dry. He gave me a look that I understood, disappointed a little, about missing our moment.

Not that it would have been a moment. Not a romantic moment.

Just a moment when we could sleep in together, lazy and warm, putting off starting our day. Just two fellows who wanted a few more minutes to sleep.

=

I showered in the spot closest to the door, trying hard to keep things not hard, as Kelly thankfully showered at the other end. But I remembered what it was like to shower with him that one time, that one confusing, strange time when all of us older boys shared something most boys don't.

I remember that I was jealous of how hard he got, from looking at Glen, only for me to find out it was me that he was watching. I remember how we looked at each other while we touched ourselves, and I remember wanting him to touch me. We'd held hands before, a few times. I knew what his palm felt like. In that instance, I wanted to know what it felt like, his fingers wrapped around me. I wanted to know if he would hold me tight, or loose. If he'd move fast, or slow. I hoped it would be slow, but rough. That...

Fuck.

I touched myself briefly, knowing that's all it would take. I leaned my head against the tiled wall, curled around myself as best as I could while I rubbed. My breath catching, licking my lips, imagining Kelly's hand on me.

I felt a kiss on the nape of my neck.

I closed my eyes and let myself finish, one hand on the tile, below the fountaining water, one hand on myself. Bracing my feet so I didn't fall as huge shudders ripped through my body, my hand wet, my toes curling. Feeling something pressed against me from behind.

"So good, Lee..."

I cleaned off briskly, mortified, as Davey took my hand and tried to get me to stay. His body was so close. He was naked and handsome, and looking at me like anyone would want someone to look at them. But I had to choke back the bile that rose in my throat, feeling the soft velvety head of his dick wet against my skin.

"I...sorry...I have...to...."

Then I left, beating a hasty retreat.

It was Davey.

I thought it was Kelly.

=

At breakfast, Davey had a bruise around his mouth. And it wasn't a surprise to see him stabbing his pancakes, every now and then glaring at Kelly.

My fault. Me in the middle of a fight between two guys. So strange. But it was my fault. I couldn't choose between two different slices of cake.

Well...

That wasn't really true, if I'm honest. I should be honest to myself. I liked Kelly. He liked me too, but didn't intend on being anyone to me in my life but my friend.

I thought Davey was okay. He definitely likes me.

Well...

That wasn't really true either. I know. He likes me because I'm the only opportunity for him in a school filled with boys. He'd proven it was girls for him if there was a choice.

But, maybe we could be...nice... to each other. It didn't have to be romantic. I didn't loathe him. It's not like I was being disloyal to anyone. Kelly didn't want me. Richard put me in jail and cheated on me. I know if he can, he's with someone else, probably fucking them, at that boarding school.