A Court of Wards and Shadow

chapter two

warnings: (18+ mdni) pain, anxiety, mentions of suicidal ideations

disclaimer: this fic in no way represents any of sarah j. maas' work or ideas, it is for purely fictional/personal entertainment purposes

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i'm dreaming. for the first time in gods know how long, i'm actually dreaming. dreaming of the sky.

i have always loved the sky. one of my favorite parts about working in the day court was the open concept of the buildings that allowed me to look out at the sky in almost every room i was in. i never grew tired of stealing glances off the balconies or the wall to wall windows while working just so I could see the sky. the endless, beautiful sky that continues in every direction unimpeded, going on and on into oblivion.

i'll never forget the first time i saw one of helion's pegasi. my jaw dropped when i saw him astride his gorgeous black stallion as it soared by.

i dreamt of what it would be like to be astride that beautiful beast and soar through the clouds often after that. to get to feel the wind kiss my cheeks as I drifted through the endless expanse of the sky.

the only day that rivals the awe i felt seeing a pegasus in flight for the first time was the day i saw them for the first time. high lord helion was hosting a meeting for all the high lords at the palace and i was on serving duty. i was delivering a platter of food to the banquet table and it took every bit of my self control not to drop the tray in shock as the three of them walked in. and it had nothing to do with the fact that i was looking upon the three most beautiful males i had ever seen in my two hundred years. no, it was what was behind them, or well what was a part of them? it took my brain a minute to process what i was seeing. wings. all three of them had huge, black wings attached to their backs.

i did not know such a thing was possible. i had heard rumor of various types of fae in the dawn and night court who had wings, but I thought it was simply that, a rumor. never would i have actually believed it was possible if i hadn't been staring at three of them right in front of me. and never in my life had i felt jealousy for another fae as i did in that moment.

i had to tear my eyes away in order to continue serving food. i was so distracted by those males and their magnificent wings that i tripped and spilled an entire pitcher of wine onto the lap of one of the high lords. i was absolutely mortified.

and that night when i went to sleep, i had a new dream. it was similar to the dream i had most every other night--iwas in the sky feeling the wind whip past me as i soared high above the ground. only this time i wasn't astride the black pegasus like in all my other dreams. no, this time i was all alone, with a pair of those huge, black wings spread behind me, keeping me aloft.

that became my new favorite dream. i still dreamt of the pegasus far more often, but i never woke up quite as invigorated after those dreams as i did after one with the wings.

but it's been years since i've dreamt of either. i'm not sure of when or why my dreams ceased, but one day they just stopped. since then, my nights simply mark the passing of another day.

but not tonight. no, tonight i am lucky enough tonight to not only dream, but to have one of those rare dreams where i have wings. in fact, i feel as though the mother has blessed me with how vivid this dream is. it's like i can really feel the rush of the cool wind across my skin and smell the fresh, clean air that only exists right after a rainstorm.

i start to smile at the feeling, but the smile quickly turns into a grimace as i register the splitting headache and the throbbing pain in my brow. confused by the sudden pain, i try to reach up to my head to investigate, but stop as a fiery slice of pain shoots from my shoulder down to my fingertips. i inhale sharply at the crippling pain in my arm and the breath is cut short by an intense aching in my side. what is going on? this is unlike any dream i have ever had before.