The Eyes Of An Artist

Chapter 11

I walked home feeling kind of weird. My legs felt a little wobly and I was a little unsure of what I was doing. Suddenly Tom appeared in my head and all the anxious feelings related to the situation we were facing.
I took a deep breath and somehow relaxed. Everything was going to be all right! This was just another situation that I was going to overcome and we were going to be fine.
I got home and focused on what I had to do of the university. I had to study for a really important final so I had to focus all of my energy on that and nothing else.

The days passed and each day that passed without getting my period I was more anxious. I told Tom I wasn't getting it and he told me to not worry, that maybe it was coming late.
Sleeping at night got really hard and after a week of not getting it my anxiety levels were really high and I didn't know what to do.

On the weekend I stayed over at Tom's house and we were together every second. Somehow this situation brought us closer together. We went on walks, studied together, watched a couple movies.
We didn't have sex because I didn't feel like it, this whole baby thing made me worry too much and I needed to know if I was pregnant before making love again.

When the week started I was very stuck in my head, worried consumed me at times and I tried to evade it all but it just weighed on me so much. How could I get rid of those feelings with the constant questions in my mind.

Days passed and I still hadn't gotten my period. This was starting to get serious and I couldn't bare it any longer.
That wednesday I went to the painting class and my mind wouldn't stop spinning in circles causing me more and more worry. My heart was beating non stop and everything that I drew felt messy and worthless.
The worst part about it all was that nobody seemed to notice. I felt so much inside of me and it looked like all the others could see was this mask that I was so used to wearing.

The class ended and I started walking away, I didn't wait for Evelyn because I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just left and when I was waiting to cross the street at a red light I felt her voice from behind me.
- Hey... - she said. I didn't turn around, I thought of acting dumb and ignoring her. I had no energy to socialize or act fine with people and I needed to be alone.
- That's rude you know? Not even saying bye... - she said until she reached me.
- Well... Fuck you -. The words slipped out of my mouth and then I met her eyes. I instantly felt ashamed and amazed at myself. How could I say that to someone who I barely knew?

First her face seemed surprised and then she started to laugh. What was wrong with her? This was so...weird. Each time that we spoke it was everything but normal.