Paper Hearts || Krii7y

18. I Just Need You

"What did he say?" John repeated.

"He said you guys like to make girls think you like them. That you get them to sleep with you and then you dump them."

"Was that all he said?"

Jaren paused. "Yeah."

"You didn't... you don't believe him, do you?"

"No, I know you would never hurt anyone like that."

John pulled him into a hug, resting his chin on the crown of Jaren's head. Jaren sighed into his chest. As his breathing returned somewhat to normal, he inhaled the earthy smell of John. He didn't know when it had happened, but the smell of John's cologne alone calmed him tenfold. They sat like that for a minute until the door flew open.

"There you are, John!" Tyler, Marcel and David came barging in. They held cans in their hands and Jaren could smell the alcohol as soon as they entered. It was a smell that immediately put his guard up.

John let go of him quickly but kept a hand on his knee. "Yeah, sorry, let's go back downstairs."

"No, I don't want to go downstairs," Tyler said drunkenly. "Is that Jaren?" He squinted at him.

Jaren didn't say anything. The smell of the alcohol was overpowering and was bringing memories of his father flying back. Tyler's clear intoxication didn't help keep them at bay either.

"Yeah, he was just leaving." John looked at him pointedly.

"Ah, I see what's going on," Marcel commented. He gestured to John's hand on Jaren's knee. "You're still trying, aren't you John?"

"Let's go," John said quickly to him. He stood up and turned to wait for Jaren to follow him.

Jaren couldn't move. He looked at Marcel. "What do you mean 'he's still trying'?"

"Jaren, let's go," John asserted. He picked Jaren's hand up and pulled.

John's hand was the wrong temperature. He was always warm, and yet his hand felt cold as he tugged on his. His attempts were futile and Jaren sat motionless. He couldn't conjure any thoughts. Was this shock?

"John, give up, man. He's totally onto you."

"Knock it off, Marcel," John retorted.

"What... is happening?" The churning feeling in Jaren's stomach was getting worse, like the drop of the rollercoaster was imminent.

"John loses."

Nothing was making sense. He was still so confused. He looked up at John, still trying to pull him up. "What are they talking about?" His voice came out monotonously.

"It doesn't matter. Ignore them, they're drunk." John was pleading now, fear infused in his voice.

"No, I want to know."

"Oh don't worry. We'll tell you if John won't, 'cause at least we don't pretend about what we're doing," David promised.

"Shut up! You don't know shit, none of you do," John shouted. "Jaren, we're leaving now."

He had never raised his voice like that. Jaren felt hot tears springing up. They blurred his vision of the room and of the terror on John's face.

"Did you think he actually liked you, Jaren? A guy?" Marcel asked.

Jaren's blood ran cold.

Tyler let out a laugh. "Oh you did! How cute," he mused.

All of a sudden his father's words came flooding back to him. They played over and over in his head as he tried to make sense of the situation.

No one will ever love you, you fucking freak!

Jaren stood up and pulled his hand away from John's. "What are they talking about?" he choked out once more.

No one will ever love you, you fucking freak!

"Yeah, John, what are we talking about?" David babbled mockingly.

John dropped back onto the bed and buried his face in his hands. "Jaren, please go, please," he mumbled into his hands. "I'm so sorry."

"No, he should stay. I think you should tell him what's been going on."

No one will ever love you, you fucking freak!

John said nothing. The muffled music downstairs seemed to fade out. The silence hung heavy in the air. It felt like smoke smothering Jaren's lungs and fogging his mind. It felt nothing like the peace he normally knew of silence. He waited for John to say something. They're wrong, Jaren. What you're thinking I've done, it's not true. Of course I like you.

But the blond said nothing and Jaren suddenly hated silence more than he hated anything else in the world.

He took a shaky breath as hot anger filled every cell in his body. "I don't need you to... say anything. I already know. Ryan told me everything about what you do," he said to the trio. He turned back to John, staring down at him. "I was your first game, right? These pricks couldn't get Ryan's sister so they set you on his loser friend. How does it feel? Almost victorious? You got me to like you, congratulations!" He was surprised at the amount of venom he had mustered into his voice.

His fury seemed to take over and he found himself kneeling over the blond's lap. He grabbed John's face and tilted it back, hovering millimetres above it. "This is what you all wanted, right? Kiss me then, John. Let them see you win."

He could feel John's broken breaths hot against his lips. He was almost unresponsive and Jaren knew he wouldn't dare bridge the gap. The tears in his eyes tugged at something in Jaren's chest even now, when he was sure he knew what he'd done. But John hadn't said it himself.

He released the boy's face gently. "Or tell me... tell me I'm wrong, John," he breathed almost inaudibly. He searched his face for a glimmer of... anything. "Tell me they're lying, that you wouldn't do that to me."

The blond just stared through him, his eyes glazed over.

He wasn't going to say anything, was he?

Jaren let go of him and tore himself out of his lap. He stared menacingly at the boys standing by the door. "Fuck you three. What you do, they're not games, even though you've convinced yourselves of that fact. Karma will come for you. And when it does, I hope it gives you each worse than you've given all those poor girls combined."

He pushed roughly past them into the corridor, pausing before he went down the stairs. A part of him hoped... He looked back at John, who was staring after him.

John said nothing still, his final opportunity to speak thrown away. Jaren felt his resolve harden in his face as he turned away.

John wasn't going to save them because it had never been real.