Ⓟⓞⓔⓣⓡⓨ | a collection by Fay ©

Still Stuck In My Mind.

You were just a passing, just a test,
why am I glancing on my watch to assume the best?

”Just a talk”
Fifteen minutes, I waited after our walk.
Don’t think my eyes can deceive me, trust me, I saw
The lipstick on your neck after you came back from behind your car.
When you knew I’d only wear taint
You’d frolic my faint
Accusations for the better
When I smelled a stranger’s fragrance on
Your sweater.

Suddenly, you are bold.
How can sweet brown eyes turn so cold?

Where is your care?
Fair, that you don’t always have
Time.
Yet your hugs feel distant and I crave the chime, the missing warmth.

All they suddenly resemble is harm.

Four times Eight - the day of fate, how we called it.
Suddenly your phone is locked.
”Talking to my mother” isn’t something secretive,
Oh, if she knew what her sweet son is
trying to hide.
There’s no one to whom
she’d confide.

”You should not complain”, you said.
”Trust me”,
Opened your arms wide for a frail girl to
Find comfort from a tide
Of pain.

When you knew how much I’ve hurt,
you seeked revenge in it,
Knew I’d come back to your affection
When all you got from it was attention.

This is cold-blooded behavior, you should know it leaves a trail.

Call me frail,
Gullible.
Yes, even unintelligible.

I wonder how you are around your friends
When my name falls.

If with all the calls,
You only faked your motive.

But my fingers curled around disintegrated
Mist,
I was just one of many on your list,
I didn’t know I bought a tester,
A wilted rose, a prose.

Now you’re profiling yourself for
Possession, like a hold’em,
This isn’t Texas, I am not that golden.

Just a piece of paper tumbling in the
Storm,
And your hand reached out in time to stop me from getting torn.

And you read my letters and knew
How to place me, knew to not touch the
Tears and ridges caused by the weather,
Yet your curiosity one day got the better.

”Find the one that’s meant for you”
My granny used to say.
I thought I did,
You were in my way
When we crossed streets,
Held my hand, and smiled.

All the acts of kindness compiled
In a month,
How your touch set my skin on fire
And something grew in desire,
I thought I’d hold an emblem on my finger,
Yet suddenly your ideas stopped to linger
And ran out of order
And my tears weren’t held back by that border.

When the tide dared to crash over me, once again,
You told me I could crumble, told me you’d place my shards back together,
mending it for me, then.
A part of me trusted your deceived lies,
Oh I knew you only meant the good, not to humble.
But my subconscious told me that would
Mean I’d tread into a hole I hoped you’d bury.

You aren’t even sorry.

My sadness wasn’t accepted when I looked at you, your features grim
When I saw you in the dim.

When did you stop wiping the tears that fell, when were my feelings too much for you to tell?

At dinner we rarely talked, if it was,
Your successful work was the brawl,
And I’d have to think back to when I’d crawl
Into bed alone.

Now the food is cold,
I wait to listen to the keys in the lock of what used to be our home.

I didn’t know what was at stake, until your love was blending into hate.

At what point did I start annoying you?
Since when were you on the lookout for something new?

You were my everything,
to you I was just another fling.

Perhaps it was my fate, maybe I was the fraud.
I tried to achieve being something I thought you’d dream about.

Why did you seem curious, when you bumped into me down the sidewalk,
Was it on purpose?
Even the following talk?

Now I know in those dreams you didn’t see me,
You saw something unachievable, even God shook his head and said ”Let it be.”

So do, let me go,
pushing the blame on me of the things you destroyed in your path of ignorance to make way for your ego
Only made it worse.

How much can you stomp down in your course
until one day your worth is struck?

I’m left in the world like I always was,
never fit,
Like a shadow on the wall, waiting to be recognized,
Waiting for someone to realize
I move independently from the one casting it.

After ruining not only my life and consciousness, find the next. Cross me off the list, send the text.

Profile my name,
pin me in the hall of fame.
Left to collecting dust on my frame,
like you spread dirt over me, saying
”Game is Game”.

I wish you good Luck.
But you’re still stuck
In my mind.