fatuous | zdlr oneshots (r.a.t.m.)

Maggot

WARNING; DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

"Zack... can you come over?" You asked, your breathing heavy and shaky as your whole body trembled. You barely even managed to get up from bed and here you were— in your dirty pajamas standing all shakily in the bathroom as you held your phone close to your ear. Just hoping that he would come and give you the comfort you so desperately needed.

You heard a groan and a thump come from the other line. "Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a minute." A small smile managed to creep up unto your lips. You were so thankful. So so thankful you had a great friend like Zack. Your best friend since childhood.

"O-okay... thank you." You managed to muster up all the remaining energy you had in you to reply to him. Zack muttered a small 'you're welcome' on the other line before you hung up on him. Placing your phone down on the bathroom sink with shaking hands.

Rolling up your pajama sleeves, you winced in pain. Your freshly slit wrists still hurt.

You didn't know what and where you and your family went wrong in preventing the suicide of your dearly beloved sibling. They seemed so happy and cheerful then— one day, they hung themselves. For what reason? Nobody really knew... nobody noticed that they were struggling mentally.

Ever since their death, you've blamed yourself— for not noticing the mental struggle they were going through. Obviously it wasn't your fault but something in the back of your mind just made you blame yourself for their death. Was it guilt? Maybe... but whatever it was, it was eating you slowly.

It was ruining your social life. You became a recluse. Withdrawing yourself from society basically. When was the last time you even went out to take a walk in the park? You couldn't remember... not when you're literally falling into a deep depression.

Ever since you've been falling into this dark abyss of depression, you've started to slowly harm yourself.

It started out small. Like eating less and less. It wasn't easily noticeable but then it just developed into you full on starving yourself. Losing the motivation to even eat something simple like instant noodles.

Then, it was when you started slitting your wrists. It was easy to hide since you had a lot of sweaters that covered your wrists so nobody really questioned or noticed the scars that littered your wrists like stars in the night sky...

After that, you just full on stopped doing anything productive. Taking a bath, cleaning your house, cooking, eating... you just stopped.

You just stayed in bed all day. Slowly rotting away. You were the shell of the person you used to be.

You were a living corpse and this depression was the maggot eating you day by day by day...

You were shook out of your thoughts by a knock on the front door. "Hey," it was Zack. He called out your name.

"Um... its open." You answered from inside the bathroom, not wanting to go outside and see him. Not in your current stage.

Yeah, he's your childhood best friend and all but you couldn't muster up the courage to let him see you in this depressing state. You didn't want to burden him like how you were a burden to your family.

Zack gripped the doorknob and let himself in. Squinting his eyes as your whole apartment was dimly light. He flipped on the light switch and froze on the spot.

He hadn't realised how bad you were suffering and how worse your living conditions were.

Piles of used and unwashed clothing were scattered everywhere, dust was everywhere as far as the eye could see, empty and half empty cups of instant noodles and other instant foods were just slowly molding on the floor.