Will you love me?

Chap 11

Sarah Pov's

We went to car parked and they all are coming back as we entered the car.

"Sis, take this. I'm sure you going to love it", Ian handed me a book keychain.

"Wow! It's so cute! Thanks brother Ian", I take it happily and put it in my small beg. It's cute.

Matt started the car engine and pulled out from the parking lot. I sit silently in the car thinking about where we are going to. But my mind really didn't allow me to because I remember back the incident a few days before the carnival. I look down at my still bruised hand, it really hurts. I hold my hand together and look out from the window. I don't know why I'm stupid enough to be with him before and why I got back with him before. Is it wrong for me to be so kind to others? Or... some people just don't deserve my kind? I don't know... For Matt, I'm still not truly sure if he's really love me like brother Louis said because I'm afraid... How can a person love you when they only knew you for a few months...

I keep thinking why I fallen in love with people so easily, and always end up with a bad guy... Is it wrong for me to like someone after I just broke up with a toxic person? or like the others always said, a playgirl...? Am I or not? I feel really bad right now but-

"Love? You alright?", suddenly Matt holds my hand with his left hand while the other hand focus on the wheel.

I just nodded and smile to him. I sighed silently and just continue watching the sunset view. I hope I can handle it through this, but I know for sure my mental couldn't handle it.  After 30 minutes, we arrived at the beach house. I climb out from the car and went inside the house and lock myself in the room. I need some space.

Matt Pov's

I didn't catch up her pace as she already running inside the house and lock herself in the room. Just a few minutes ago, she was alright but all of sudden she's quiet. Somethings off with her.

"Somethings not right with her", I said.
"Yea, I could see that. Just give her some time, bro. I think she wants some space alone. She always does that when she needs some space", Louis patted my back and went inside.

Louis probably right. I just check up on her later.

It's past 11 at night. I think I passed out after play some games with those guys. I look around the living room and all of them already passed out too. Brad and Alex laying around the floor while Louis passed out at the long couch and Ian at the bean bag. I saw a small figure at the outside while I walk pass the back door. I slowly walk towards it and saw she is sitting with her hand wrap up her knees. I smile as I saw it was her and walk towards the direction and sit beside her.

"You alright, love?", I put on my jacket around her small figure. She got shocked a little bit but when she saw me, she feel relives. 
"A little bit", said herself and sighed.
I pulled her closer to me and she lay her head on my shoulder, "What's bothering you?".

"I don't know how to say it, Matt...", she said.
"It's alright, take your time", I kissed her head and she sighed again.
"I don't think it's the right time yet...", she stands up and about to walk away.
I quickly stop her and turned her around to look at me, "Love, are you really okay or not?".

She looks at me for a moment and avoid my eyes. She let go my hand and slowly walked away. I closed my eyes and sigh, but suddenly a body clash into mine. I look down to see Sarah hug me tightly.

"I'm not...", she looks up at me with her watering eyes.

I hug her back and sighed, "You want to go inside or sit back here and talk about it?".

"Sit here...", she said.

We take a sit nearby the beach. I make sure she wears the jacket so she doesn't get sick in the next morning. She plays with the water with her hand and start talking.

Sarah Pov's

I take a deep breath and start telling him what's in my mind.

"I keep thinking back why I would accept him in the first place after what he did to me. Why I need to be so stubborn and let myself get into his trapped again and again. Sigh... But not until that time", I smiled. "For the first time in my life, I-I build up my courage and ignored him. But it's gone from the moment he chased and abused me", I quickly wiped my tears away.

He didn't say anything, and I turn around to look at him. As both of us stare into each other, he took my hand and trail down the bruised on my hand. 

"You mean this abusive?", asked himself.

"No", I reply, and he froze after he heard my answer.

"I'm sorry... I still couldn't say it, and no one's know about it", I let go his hand and stand up.

"Love, why?", he stands up and follow my step into the house.

"Because it could make me kill myself at any time", I smiled sadly and walk up to my bedroom.

I didn't wait him as he keep calling my name, I once again lock myself in my bedroom and went into the bathroom. I once again cry myself at here and do the shit that will kill myself. I didn't want it but it's the only way for me not to feel anything. The shower is on, and it keeps soak me until all of my body wet. Blood starting to drip into the water from my wrist and I could see the black dot in my heads. I could also hear voices that keep yelling my name and try to break the door. Before I passed put, I swear I saw Matt running towards me with the others. Oh... how I wish I didn't wake up to feel this pain anymore.

I was never meant to be happy after all.