Samurai ↔ Nishimura Riki

thirty three

Hyewon was having none of it. She (gently) pulled on his shoulders, making him lay flat on his bed, and placed one hand on his forehead. She almost flinched at its burning touch. "Holy sh-" she withdrew her hand. "That's burning hot, Riki. You clearly have a fever. What happened?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Why do you care? It's none of business," he muttered, bringing the blanket over his head, only to be stopped.

"Why do I care?" Hyewon raised her voice. "I'm your girlfriend for gods' sake!" she bursted.

"Doesn't seem like it." he whispered, crawling deeper into the covers.

It was barely audible to her ears, but nonetheless she heard it all the same. "What's that supposed to mean?" she retorted in frustration, pulling the blanket down once more.

Then, for the first time since she had come to his room, Riki stared right at her in the eye. "Are you telling me that you weren't in the library, getting all cozy with the Sim prince, last night? You even slept on his shoulder!"

Hyewon opened her mouth to speak, only to find that she had nothing to say to defend herself, and closed it.

"Don't even try to deny it. I may have been drunk, but I know what I saw."

"You were what?" Hyewon repeated, half-shocked, half-worried. "Riki, you're only 17, that's underage-"

"My father allowed me too. I'm not a five year old for gods' sake. Don't change the subject and don't pretend to care either." he paused, "If you really cared, you wouldn't have slept on that man's shoulder in the first place," he spat.

"Riki, I swear, I can explain-"

His voice quivered. "Go ahead then. Give me a reason why I should listen to you."

She let out a sigh of relief. She could make things right with him again. "Last night," she started, "I went to the library to clear my mind after... you know. To cool off and such. Prince Jake approached me and asked me if he could sit down beside me. I didn't want to offend him so I agreed. Then he started the conversation and we talked."

Riki raised an eyebrow. "What did you two talk about?" he questioned suspiciously.

"Uh," she stammered under his gaze. "Nothing much. We just talked about our respective kingdoms, magic, and... books." she replied desperately.

"Books," he repeated, settling back comfortably in his bed. "Well, it seems you two had a swell time together."

"Riki, I swear by the gods, I didn't do anything wrong. I promise, he was the one who came up to me, not the other way around. I didn't want to do anything with him at all. Please, just listen to me for once." Hyewon took a deep breath. "I'm also sorry about what had happened in the court case. I wasn't trying to deny your mother of the justice your mother deserves."

The prince's face softened, just a little bit. He sat up. "Hyewon-" he started before a cough violently wracked his throat. His skin turned pale as snow. Quickly, Hyewon swiped a glass from his nightstand and ran towards the basin, filling it with water. Then, she gently lifted Riki's chin up, dribbling the water into his parched mouth. He swallowed it before clearing his throat. "Hyewon, I'm not mad about the events that occurred in court. Last night had me thinking a lot and what's in the past should stay there. I can't reverse my mother's death," he says softly. "I'm sorry that I got mad. But that's not what I'm concerned about right now. What I'm concerned about right now is us." his cold hand found his way to hers. He hesitated before continuing. "Seeing you with Jake... it made me realize a lot. I admit, I was more jealous than angry that you were in his presence. But the thing is, Hyewon, you're perfect. You're strong, beautiful, independent, everything. Those qualities are rare in girls like you in the world of patriarchy. Plenty of boys, even princes, would find you attractive and maybe they'd even like to court you. And as selfish it is to say so, I want you all for myself. I can't imagine you ever being in love with another person."

His hand squeezed hers. "But what if you do fall in love with someone else?" he asks quietly. "I can't decide who you love. That's your choice alone. It's beyond my capability to make that decision for you. And no matter who your heart beats for, even if it isn't for me, I want you to be happy. Although it would break my heart, I want the best for you," he utters, before letting go of Hyewon's hand, "You deserve someone so much better than me. Sometimes, I ask myself, 'What did I do in my past life to have such a beautiful girl?'"

"Riki-"

He shushed her by lifting his finger. "Hyewon, tell me. Why did you fall in love with me?" he inquired, his eyes slightly glassy. "I can't go out with you out of the palace. I can't promise you a hand in marriage. For heaven's sake, I can't even reveal our relationship to my father, nevermind the public!" Riki closed his eyes and turned his head away from her. "I'm a coward. I can't even offer you the basic treatment a couple is supposed to have. Tell me, is this even a relationship anymore or are we just both fools?"

"People like Jake, they don't have to be afraid of their father's opinion. They don't need to fear how the public will react. That's because they'll be willing to do anything, risk anything, for who they love. Princes like Jake, they aren't ensnared in a meaningless war where their people are dying everyday and they can't do anything about it. Meanwhile, I'm trapped in the palace and can't do anything." he mumbled miserably. "You're supposed to be my bodyguard, nothing more. You protecting me will only get you hurt. I don't want anyone else I love to be in danger."

Hyewon stood there, stunned. While she had worried about their relationship, she didn't think that the state of it would trouble the prince so much. Gingerly, she sat down at the edge of his bed. "Riki," she says softly, "You know I love you, right? It doesn't matter how unclear the future seems or how long it takes to be with you, I'll be right next to you, okay?As long as you don't give up on us, I'll be here, I promise." she pecked him on the cheek. "Nothing could change that."

Riki gazed at her in the eyes, teary. "Are you sure? What if over time you think otherwise?" His voice was low and faint. He didn't seem to take much reassurance in his words.

She was taken aback. "What do you mean?" she asks, confused.

"What if," he started slowly, "what if you resent me in the future for not trying hard enough? What if we end up being in a toxic relationship and end up despising each other? I don't want that to ever happen to us. I don't think I could ever handle it if you hated me."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the both of them, only the sound of the prince's ragged breaths were heard. Eventually, he spoke up. "Hyewon... I think it would be for the best if we broke up."

Break up. Those two words echoed in her mind. Hyewon stared at him in shock. "The hell? What do you mean break up?!"

The latter only exhaled tiredly. "I think we both knew in the end that this relationship wouldn't last. It just wasn't meant to be. We can't be together... one royal and one bastard child. What would the public think of us two together? I'm so sorry, Hyewon."

Her blood ran cold. She froze, stunned by his words. She stood up abruptly. "What did you just call me? A bastard child? So what if my parents gave birth to me out of wedlock? That doesn't make my blood any more dirty than yours, Nishimura." she growled. "You know what? You were right. You are a coward. Happy?"

It was reckless of her to erupt in such a furious manner, but she couldn't help it. Being angry was better than being sad, right? She let all the frustration and irritation build on the sadness, forming around the break in her heart. After all, Hyewon was never the one to cry. She refused to beg for Riki to stay for something he thought would fail from the start, she was duped once, she wouldn't be tricked again.

Now it was Riki's turn to gape at her in shock. He fumbled with his words, "Hyewon, I swear, I didn't-"

She interrupted him coldly. "Save it for someone who cares because I certainly don't. I don't need to hear this. You want to break up? Fine! See if I care? Can't believe I was stupid enough to listen to your lies in the first place!" she snarled. "Well, damn you, Nishimura. I can ask you the same question: why do you love me?"

Hyewon stormed out of his room, slamming his door shut, leaving the shattered pieces of her heart sharp and resentful.

All men were the same. Stupid, deceitful creatures. There was nothing to prove otherwise after all.

Love was the biggest joke of the universe.