The List that Lead the Logical Nia Birch to Fall in Love

Chapter 16 • one wish

When Nia returned to her apartment, it looked the same but felt different. Her rose coloured glasses had been left shattered in the street outside, and it felt like she had left her heart there too.

Her sacred space was now tainted like a crime scene. All Nia could see were flashes of memories playing over and over in her mind like recorded footage. Evidence of something terrible that happened to her.

The beauty of her apartment was gone. She couldn't appreciate her favorite things around her because she could only remember what it looked like then, when Malcolm was here, compared to the emptiness she was seeing now.

The warm, cream egg shell color she had stressed over choosing to paint her walls in order to cast the warmth of a tropical sunset's beams looked like a cool, icey white, her kitchen looked cramped and severe – and she hadn't even dared to look in her bedroom yet.

It was as if she was looking at everything in grayscale. The sky's sun now shone filtered through the clouds casting a bright white light that hurt her swollen eyes.

So much had changed in such a short time that Nia moved through her place slowly in shock. In her trance, Nia's limp body stripped of accessories and shoes and dragged her curtains closed. She felt her feet press with heaviness into the hard floor, a sharp chill seeping into her skin with each step, as they trudged through her apartment towards her bedroom to change.

Nia kept her focus on her dresser, avoiding her unkempt bed though it was taunting her from her peripheral vision. She quickly stretched the first big t-shirt she could find over her head and retreated to the couch. She grabbed her olive coloured crochet blanket and curled herself together.

When he was here a few hours ago, Nia's Sunday schedule would ping with an annoying reminder of her next task due and she'd gleefully dismiss the notification until she had eventually silenced her phone. Now, Nia just let the reminders' alarms crescendo in the quiet. Loud and brash, unlike that soft trill that would signal a text from Malcolm, these notifications crashed into her ears. They were the only acceptable sound that she could tolerate right now – but also a way for her to subconsciously monitor time as she stayed frozen, cradling herself in a soothing embrace.

Listening to the stillness, staring at her black tv, or the ceiling, she finally just closed her eyes. Tears escaped them, a constant stream wetting her cheeks while she silently hoped to hear a knock on her front door or the twist of a key.

***

It was dark when Nia had peeled herself off of her couch for the first time. Her bladder was swollen after hours of holding it in.

She caught a glimpse (and whiff) of herself in her bathroom and decided to shower. Bags puffed under her eyes with a sore fullness from crying all day that reminded her of her satin covered pillows. Which reminded her of when Malcolm's head rested in one. Which inevitably brought more tears.

It was a vicious cycle which only ended once she entered the shower.

Water powerfully poured from her shower head in a cleansing rain, rinsing off the heartache of the last 24 hours. The sweet purifying steam mellowed into her pores with the lush smell of her moisturizing rosemary and vanilla cream body wash.

Nia relaxed, feeling alleviation and relief as she tended to herself, scrubbing and rubbing with a care and attention she'd only ever receive from herself. She washed her hair and massaged her scalp with castor oil before applying her leave-in conditioner and opening her glass shower door to step out.

Nia combed through her coils and curls with a wide toothed comb, gelling and tying her hair back in a sleek low bun with a severe middle part, which looked sharp enough to split her in two.