Diary Thoughts

Chapter 2: Wormhole

"bell hunchback"

The smile that was plastered in my face slowly turned to a grim line when those words came from his mouth.

My world crumbled down in a blink of an eye

What's worse is no one said anything that could rebut or even make me feel better, to say that 'never believe what he just said'

But instead, there was a faint laughter that soon had been boiled down.

Now only a chirping sound of crickets and the slapping of waves from the shore are the only things that can be heard.

It's like everyone that is in this place agrees for whatever he said to me. Everyone believes it's true.

I wanted to cover my ears and cry.

I know that I am ugly, I've come to accept that as my fate. That no one will ever be attracted to me.

But those words... it crashed my whole system. Sucking me into this wormhole that I may not ever be able to recover from.

I clenched my fist at my back, scratching my point finger with my thumb. My anxiety and depression is kicking up but no one seems to bother.

I smiled at him before responding to what he just said.

"I-I'm not b-bad" I tried not to stutter but I failed.

"No no no. This is just my opinion. My first impression of you" he chuckled as he said that.

"I thought we were just talking about one another and that's only my note about you"

I nodded at him and didn't bother to say anything anymore.

I always knew words could kill. And this is it.

I consider myself as the life of the party

However, after that conversation, I just stayed quiet. I just laughed and answered them if needed.

Is it hard to give someone comfort and assurance? I don't say anything but I want them to feel that I need them.

~*~

After that event, I tried to distance myself from them. When it was time for our hike I excused myself and went home to be able to burst the feeling of sorrow I felt that night.

From then, I always makes excuses every time they invite me to go out and hangout.

It is better for me to be alone rather than being with someone who can make you feel so little and unacceptable.

"Eris, we'll go to Romain's. Wanna join us?" Approached by tammy as the professor dismissed us.

I faintly smiled at her and looked at the people behind her.

There I saw joe. The gay who said those 'words.'

He's eyeing me and those stares made me lose my sanity again.

I quickly grab my notes and my bag before looking at Tammy who's waiting for my answer.

"I'm really sorry guys but I'll decline your offer. I need to do something and it's really important" as I said my response, I saw how they slumped their shoulders.

"Again? You always reject us. What happened to you and you rarely come with us" said by mina with a hint of disappointment in her tone.

I smiled at them and took mina's hand.

"I'm sorry this is just important. Maybe next time. Sorry guys..." I walked towards the door without looking away from them.

"I'll go first. Bye!" I said as I finally exited the room.