Double Sided Tracks

I'd Save Us Both

Nora simply made him feel some feelings he never felt before. Every single thing she does is like wind knocking his lungs out. A reminder that he truly have this, he truly have this part of her.

Then he feels so incredibly.. guilty. All the parties, the girls, the lifestyle, all the events, the adrenaline from every. single. race— Max thought they'd fill a hole that he had, not knowing all he needed was her.

"Don't put your wellbeing on me, Max. You needed someone, it wasn't necessarily me."

Was what she said once, when she found that being the centre of his world too big of a responsibility. But, truth is, Max is not putting his wellbeing on her. He has responsibility over his life, but Nora makes him feel alive—and if he's insane enough to admit that he'll crash his car for her, then, she doesn't have to know.

Fresh start with Nora is slower than what Max was expecting. But he shouldn't say anything, because everything in Max's life is fast. Fast cars, fast money, people come and go, teammates stay and go, one minute you're driving seconds way from podium and the next second you're nose deep in the barrier. Hopping from one private jets, to another one, to different countries, states, islands—never took a minute to breath.

Max would like to think that he's different, that because he happened to have an extraordinary career, he's different. Maybe to a certain extent, he is different than others. Not like everyone a multi-millionaire ever since they're 19, throwing money like it grows on trees, partying every given chance, driving one of the fastest cars in the world among the bests. He'd like to be humble and say that he doesn't deserve this, but goddamn if he doesn't deserve every single thing that happened. He worked his ass off.

He always had that mentality, something that Jos always made sure planted in his head from the very young age. When nothing else matters, but becoming a driver—like him. The family legacy that Max has to carry on. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Max knows that he is someone Jos could never be—Max was his redeemable token. To make himself feel better that he never made it as far as Max.

Nora is the opposite of him, but he found that refreshing, endearing and he couldn't feel anything but fondness. Nora always drive like she's being graded, while Max drives like he doesn't care and occasionally wrecking the multi-million dollars cars. They work, that's all that matters.

Max is so very gone.

Everything in Max life is extreme, it comes with the territory. He'd constantly stand on the furthest of the spectrum, always. Fastest cars, most wins, highest paid, fastest laps—and so on. When he falls, he falls hard. When he has an idea, he'll chase after it.

Nora is not idea, Max feels like the biggest egocentric asshole all of a sudden. But the idea of spending the rest of his life, with her. Max is going to chase that until the very end of his life—if he needs to.

Nora often told him that he loves loudly, and that was always the pattern. Nora always make that known, complimented him when he does something deemed "loud" and the truth is, Nora doesn't deserve anything but loud. She deserved to be loved loudly, to be wanted loudly, to be loved as loud as a screeching car. As a fiery crash.

Awhile back Max asked if she can be his. To ask her to be his girlfriend seemed to.. little. Not enough, incomplete. Like it's too little to explain what he wanted from her, he wants her. Every single thing that comes before and after. Everything of her and all the attachment.

She stared at him and told him;  "No Max, I don't want to date." Not right now is unsaid but heard very clearly.

That time Max wanted to argue, wanted to ask her why, and so many other questions just like he does with GP.