𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑠 𝑂𝑓 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑃𝑎𝑠𝑡 | On Hold

18

• New chapter, new love story •

Kanat's eyes held a deep sadness as he gazed at Ekim, his heart heavy with concern. Fifteen days had passed since their wedding, and their relationship was struggling to find its footing. The joy and excitement of their special day had given way to a somber reality. Ekim's desire for a biological child still lingered, a constant reminder of their differing hopes and dreams. Kanat longed to reconnect with his beloved wife, to rekindle the love that had once burned so bright. But every attempt at intimacy or meaningful conversation was met with a polite smile and a distant gaze. Kanat's plans for a surprise getaway, meant to rekindle their romance, gathered dust, his doubts and fears holding him back. He felt lost and unsure, wondering how to bridge the growing gap between them.
As the days turned into weeks, the silence between them grew thicker, a heavy fog that refused to lift. Kanat's heart ached, his love for Ekim trapped in a prison of uncertainty and longing. The once-vibrant colors of their love had faded, leaving only a dull gray, a constant reminder of the happiness they once shared, now slipping away. Kanat stood in front of the mirror, tying his tie, when he noticed Ekim exiting the washroom, lost in thought. She was hiding something in her hand, and her eyes were red, as if she had been crying. "Hey, what's wrong?" Kanat asked, concern etched on his face. Ekim quickly hid her hand behind her back and forced a smile. "Nothing, just a little tired, that's all." Kanat's eyes narrowed. "Ekim, come on, tell me. What's going on?" She tried to divert his attention. "How about breakfast? I can make some toast or eggs for you." Kanat gently grasped her wrist, his eyes locked on hers. "Ekim, show me what's in your hand." She hesitated, then slowly revealed the pregnancy test. Kanat's expression changed from curiosity to understanding. "Oh, Ekim..." He softened his tone. "Why didn't you tell me?" Tears welled up in her eyes. "I thought... maybe... after our first night together... maybe I could be a mother again." Kanat's grip on her wrist tightened. "Ekim..." She pulled her hand free, her voice barely above a whisper. "Onur... he made sure I couldn't have children again. I was so foolish to hope..." Kanat enveloped her in a gentle embrace. "We'll face this together, okay? We'll find a way to build our family, somehow."
Ekim's tears soaked into his shirt as she nodded, her body trembling. Kanat held her, offering comfort and support, their hearts aching together. "Ekim..." He softened his tone. "We already have Çiçek, our lovely daughter. She will brings you so much joy." Ekim's face contorted in pain. "I know, Kanat. But it's not the same. I want to feel my own child growing inside me, to carry a life within me, to give birth to a child. That's what I long for." Kanat's eyes filled with empathy, understanding the depth of her desire. "Ekim, my love..."
She interrupted, her voice cracking. "I know it's not possible, but I couldn't help hoping... just for a moment, I forgot the past and dared to dream." Kanat embraced her, holding her close as her tears flowed, his heart aching for the pain she endured. "Ekim, my love, I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could make it possible for you to have another child." Ekim shook her head, her hair falling like a curtain around her face. "I know it's not possible. The doctors made it clear. But I couldn't help hoping... just for a moment, I forgot the past and dared to dream." Kanat's eyes filled with tears, seeing the depth of her longing. He held her close, his arms wrapping around her like a warm embrace. "We'll find other ways to build our family, to create a loving home for Çiçek. I will find a way, even if it's not in the way we expected." Ekim nodded, her body relaxing into his embrace. "I know, Kanat. I just need time to accept it, to let go of the dream." Kanat held her, his heart aching with understanding. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was determined to support her through this journey, to help her find a new sense of purpose and joy. Kanat went to office. He was so sad about Ekim. Seeing her like this was so unbearable for him.

As Kanat walks back to the home, his mind races with thoughts of how to help Ekim become a mother. He decides to suggest IUI, hoping it might be the solution they've been searching for. He takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the conversation ahead. As he enters her home-office, he approaches Ekim's desk, his eyes locked on hers. Kanat (approaching Ekim's desk) Hey, can we talk for a minute? Ekim (looking up) What's up? Kanat (hesitating) I've been thinking a lot about our situation... and I wanted to bring up something that might sound a little unconventional. Ekim (raising an eyebrow) Unconventional? What do you mean? Kanat (taking a deep breath) IUI. Intrauterine insemination. I know it's not something we've considered before, but I think it could be an option for us. Ekim (pausing, taken aback) IUI? Kanat, I don't know... that's a big decision. Kanat (nodding) I know it is. But hear me out. (hesitating) I just want us to have a chance at being parents. If this is what it takes, then I'm willing to try. Ekim (sighing) Kanat, it's not just about being parents. It's about my body, my health... and what if it doesn't work? What then? Kanat (softly) I know it's not a guarantee, but... we can research it together, talk to a specialist. We can explore every option and make an informed decision. Ekim (looking away) I need some time to think about it, okay? It's a lot to take in. Kanat (nodding) Of course, my love. Take all the time you need. I just want us to find a way forward, together. (pausing) But can I ask... will you at least consider it? For us?
Ekim (looking back at him) I'll think about it, Kanat. That's all I can promise for now.

After few days,

Ekim (approaching Kanat, her voice low and cautious) Hey, Kanat. Can we talk?
Kanat (looking up, hopeful) Yeah, of course. What's on your mind? Ekim (hesitating) I've been thinking about what you said... about IUI. Kanat (leaning in, eager) And? Ekim (taking a deep breath) I'm willing to try it. But... there's one condition. Kanat (curious) What's that? Ekim (nervously) My mom is a nurse, Kanat. She's always been very traditional and conservative when it comes to medical things. If she finds out we're doing IUI, she'll... she'll freak out. Kanat (surprised) Okay... I didn't expect that. But I understand. We can keep it between us But you're worried she'll be judgmental or try to talk us out of it? Ekim (nodding) Exactly. And I just can't deal with that right now. I need her to support us, not lecture us about how we're not following "natural" ways of having a child. Kanat (supportively) I get it. We'll keep it between us, and I'll support you every step of the way. We'll find a specialist who can guide us through the process discreetly.

Kanat and Ekim arrived at the clinic, filled with hope and anticipation. They had been preparing for this moment for weeks, and finally, it was time for the IUI procedure.
The doctor explained the process, and they signed the necessary forms. Ekim changed into a hospital gown, and they headed to the procedure room. Kanat held her hand, trying to reassure her as the doctor began the procedure. It was a quick and relatively painless process, but the tension was palpable. After what felt like an eternity, the doctor finished, and they were done. Ekim lay on the exam table, looking relieved but also anxious. "Now we wait," the doctor said with a smile. "Keep trying naturally, and we'll schedule a follow-up appointment in two weeks to see if the IUI was successful."
Kanat and Ekim left the clinic, wondering what the future held for their family. They knew it wouldn't be easy, but they were determined to face it together.

As they drove away from the clinic, Ekim turned to Kanat with a curious expression, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Hey, what did the doctor mean by 'keep trying naturally'?" Kanat chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Well, I think it's pretty self-explanatory, don't you?" he teased, raising an eyebrow. Ekim's face turned bright red as she looked away, her voice even softer. "I know what it means... it's just... um... yeah." Kanat's grin faded, and he reached out to take her hand, his voice gentle. "Hey, it's okay. I know it can be awkward, but we're in this together, remember?" Ekim nodded, still looking away, her shyness evident. Kanat squeezed her hand reassuringly, and they drove in comfortable silence for a while, the tension dissipating.

Ekim (gently, looking down) Hey, Kanat? About what the doctor said... maybe we should try tonight? (her voice barely above a whisper) Kanat (nervously) Oh, uh, yeah... tonight... sure... (also looking down) Ekim (encouragingly, but still shy) It's okay, I know it's a little awkward, but... (pauses, fidgeting with her hands) Kanat (sheepishly) Yeah... I know... (pauses too, looking at his hands) Ekim (softly) We can make it special... just like our first time... (her voice trailing off) Kanat (quietly) Yeah... okay... (nods slightly) Ekim (gently) Okay... (smiles slightly, still looking down)
Kanat (whispers) Okay...