Wolf Warrior (The Mórrigan's Wolf, Part 2) The Last Kingdom Fanfiction

15 - Better Together

“Faoladhean, I am so incredibly sorry for getting angry again,” he paused as he looked at the haphazard tracks. She must have been running blind, he thought, and continued to press on. “Feeling helpless is not something I am comfortable with, you know? We talked about that long ago, remember? I just…it hurts me to see you hurting, love, and not be able to take that pain away.” He sighed as he stopped again, listening and watching for any sign of movement. “That helplessness is easier to deal with as anger, and I am sorry for lashing out at you, especially since I should be the one to comfort you.”

Faoladhean choked back a sob at that, and finally raised her head to look over her shoulder, back toward the path. She couldn’t see Finan yet, but knew he was following her trail. Her head bowed forward, but she didn’t rest it on her knees; instead, she dropped her legs to cross in front of her, and buried her face in her hands as she began to cry again.

“Faoladhean, please answer me so I know where you are. I would much rather be speaking face to face than shouting into the oaks like a madman.” He heard a choked sob followed by a sniffle and picked up his pace. “Faoladhean, darling…” Finally, Finan spotted her sitting on the ground in between a few trees. He jogged over and knelt down before her, then tried to draw her hands away from her face.

Faoladhean shook her head, then crossed her arms over her chest, her hands resting in her arms, and she kept her head bowed to avoid making eye contact. Finan watched as a few tears rolled down and gathered at the tip of her nose before dripping onto the leg of her trousers. Finan’s brow furrowed in confusion at her avoidance of his touch.

“Mo ghrá, I am sorry for losing my temper. It wasn’t right, and I wish I could take it back.” He sighed, then swept a loose strand of hair from her cheek to rest behind her ear, relieved that she didn’t pull away from his touch. “I love you, and it hurts to see you hurting like this. That said, I could have handled my frustration better.” Seeing that Faoladhean didn’t move or make any effort to respond, Finan sat down in front of her, mirroring her position with his legs bent and crossed one over the other. He propped his elbows on his thighs, his hands steepled beneath his chin as he watched her.

Faoladhean stared miserably at the moss between her and Finan’s knees, remaining silent save for the occasional hiccupping sniffle that escaped her. Continuing to remain silent and staring at the ground, she drew her knees back up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs.

“Faoladhean, please,” Finan quietly pleaded with her. “Talk to me. Yell at me. Tell me I am a bastard horse's arse. Anything! Just…” he sighed and ran a hand over his scalp. “Do not shut me out. Please. I am here for you, you know that. I may not understand why you have such a hard time letting go of the need to blame yourself, but I love you, and I only wish to see you happy.”

Squeezing her eyes shut as he spoke, Faoladhean gently shook her head. Finan watched a tear slide down her already tear-tracked face, and without thought, reached out to swipe it off her cheek with his thumb.

“In the name of Lady Scathac, Mother Anu, Father Dagda, and Lord Lugh,” Faoladhean’s voice was quiet and raspy as she recited, “I pledge my sword and my blood, and swear to protect my kin. I will bear no greater dishonor than failing to protect those I am sworn to, and will give my all to ensure the survival of my family and those I have sworn to protect, even if it means laying down my life in the process.”

Finan frowned as he listened to her, and tentatively reached out to stroke a finger over the back of her hand where it was clasped over her knees.

“I assume that was the oath you swore back home?” His tone was gentle as he asked.

Nodding silently, Faoladhean didn’t raise her gaze to meet his. “I swore it when I was 13 summers old, the summer following the first time I had my moon blood and was recognized as a woman.” Her voice remained quiet, strained almost. “It was sworn before all the kin, and something all of us did when we came of age as warriors. And I…I failed to uphold it. Multiple times.” She let out a bitter bark of a laugh.