Caught in the Middle

Chapter 27

Hearing how broken and small she sounded while accusing me of not trusting her, broke my heart all over again. Her excuse for not being honest with me also hurt, but it didn't take any of the anger away either. I was furious that her fears still held a complete connection between us hostage, like some kind of demon lurking in the dark. If my actions in the past didn't lead to her being afraid to talk to me, we wouldn't have had that fight. And if her past didn't activate my own fears over her job stealing her from me, then I wouldn't have to be afraid of seeking her out for comfort after a shitty day.

We have been working tirelessly to deal with our pasts but clearly, we still have a long way to go. Now I just have to trust in the other important people in Maya's life to smack some sense into both of us. The Becketts have been amazing support systems. And underneath all the threats and grumpiness for fighting with their son's unofficial godmother, they had some serious pearls of wisdom to deal with our issues. Molly and her FBI friend invited me over to join their dinner party, much to the dismay of the two men in the house when they had to cancel their plans with Maya.

The two women took great delight in lecturing me over a few glasses of wine, before they pulled me aside and just listened while I ranted. Beckett then whispered Maya's point of view into his wife's ear and then left me alone with him while they reconvened over the correct course of action. I was expecting a huge lecture from my wife's best friend too, but he just calmly sat back and drank his coffee. Instead, he thanked me for supporting his wife and having her back and assured me that he will always have Maya's.

When I asked him why he wasn't mad at me, he kindly reached out and told me that he would only be angry with me if Maya was. And the last time they spoke, she assured him that she was still madly and deeply in love with me. He made me believe that there was nothing to be worried about, because love will always prevail. Then he told me to just listen to his wife's advice and apologise to Maya because he couldn't take another shift with her foul moods. Unfortunately for both of us, the profilers' golden nugget of advice was to give us both some time until we can find a way to communicate like adults.

I'm not entirely sure that the few texts we've exchanged since Maya walked out of the hospital yesterday, constitutes as mature communication skills, but it's a start. It surely wasn't my best idea to show up at her apartment unannounced in the middle of the night. Mi sento come se stessi rubando una mossa dal programma di mia moglie. (I feel like I'm stealing a move from my wife's  playbook.) Although, this is still technically my apartment too, and I've never needed permission to crawl into her bed before. I use my key to enter the dark foyer, using my memory of the layout of furniture to make my way to the spare bedroom.

I'm quite certain I'm not following a clear path to my destination, more like listening to my heart as it leads me to the other half of my soul. I slowly push open the bedroom door, allowing the moonlight behind me, to shine on the blond tangled mess on the pillow. Maya has my pillow bunched up into her chest with her leg thrown over the covers. Dio, è Bellissima. I lean the side of my head against the doorway to just watch her sleep, smiling when she whispers my name. She stretches herself out while rolling over onto her back, startling awake when she senses me lurking in the dark.

For a heart stopping moment, we just stare at each other, and I hold my breath waiting for her next move. Maya throws the covers over her body, moving over to leave a space for me at her side. And just like that a truce is called and all is forgiven. I really don't deserve someone as wholesome and magnanimous as Maya, but lord help me, I can't stay away from her. "I haven't showered." My gaze travels to the ensuite bathroom, which seems too far away from her warmth at this moment. She yawns deeply, opening her arms as a beacon of comfort for me. "I don't care, Carina."

Tears burn the back of my eyes because she loves me. She truly loves me if she's willing to let me crawl into bed with her with all the outside germs on me. When my eyes adjust to the darkness surrounding us, I can see the outline of her face as her lips tilt into a genuine smile. I don't waste another second of her generosity, and strip off an article of clothing with each step into the bedroom. Non voglio che sia ancora più arrabbiata con me. I leave my panties on before climbing in next to her, not wanting to overstep our cleverly crafted limits, before cuddling into her side as she throws the covers back over us.