The terror of tal'dorei: part 1

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3rd pov

Our story begins in a tavern, where we see pike, vax, vex, y/n, keyleth and grog having a drinking contest while percy watches while having a glass of wine

Audience: Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!!!

Y/n removes the mug from his mouth and slams it onto the table

Y/n: HAHAHA! I've been blessed with a strong stomach this night!!!

Percy: Y/n wins....again

Vax: Oh fuck me. why do we always play drinking games with a god of all people?

Vex: Because it's the fastest way to get drunk, obviously

Keyleth: (absolutely hammerd) W-who's drunk? N-not me I'm g-great! I-I think we should g-go to another "gag" another ba- "blegh"

Keyleth looks away and begins to throw up...lovely

Pike: Didn't you only have one ale? (Looks at the mess and gags) oh (pats her chest) so junky

After Keyleth finally stops throwing up some dicknose steps in it

Dicknose: Agh, watch it bitch!

He pushes Keyleth away and walks to his table, grog and y/n stand up and look at the asshole

Grog and y/n: Hey you watch it dicknose/arsewipe!!!

Pike: Easy guys, we don't waste our time on talking asshole's remember?

Grog and y/n: Hm/very well

Grog and y/n sit back down as vex raises her mug up

Vex: Oi! Tavernkeep! Another round for vox machina! the greatest band of mercenaries in all the realms!

Y/n: I'll drink to that!

Dicknose: (laughs) The greatest? I heard you couldn't save a calf from a burning farm!

His team laughs at the statement

Dicknose: What a fucking joke!

Vax gets up from his seat and stabs his dagger into the table

Vax: Let's keep things civil, friend. We're not looking for trouble

Dicknose: (walks up to vax and grabs him) Oh I bet you ain't, everyone knows you're a bunch of pathetic losers, who can't get a fucking job! (looks at y/n) well maybe not him (looks back at vax) look at your scrawny ass, too weak to tickle your on pickle

Vax: (puts his hand on his arm) Are you offering to help?

Dicknose: Yeahhhh (realisation kicks in) uh-no I uh-fuck you!

Vax: Aw, I was only offering you to give me a hand!

Vax holds out the basterd's arm as grog chops his hand off, he then backs up and falls onto the counter behind him

Grog: Ya know vax, I think he's willing (looks at the hand) ooh, can I keep this?

Y/n: (walks up beside grog) grog put the hand down, you don't know where it's been

Dicknose: (groans) Don't just stand there gawking louts, kill'em!

BARFIGHT!!!!!!

Y/n then tackles the orc into a wall and starts punching him while everyone else dukes it out

The orc manages to catch one of y/n's fists

Dicknose: So I was right, you are strong, tell you what, why don't you ditch the losers and come join me crew?

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