Take Me Home | CHANLIX

Last First Kiss

A girl and a guy, limbs entangled, all but fell out of the bathroom as Felix approached. Spit glistened on their lips as they kissed, tongues out of their mouths more than in them. Felix grimaced. He hoped that's not what he looked like when he kissed Changbin.

Felix stepped around them, the guy's undone belt clinking as they moved, hands everywhere and making the most obnoxious straight people horny noises. Felix was glad to shut the toilet door on them.

There was a used condom, come still seeping out of it, on the floor in front of the little pedal bin, like the guy had thrown in it in the direction of the bin but couldn't care less. Felix made a face of disgust at the condom, straining his neck to stare at it as he pissed. He turned his attention to his neck as he washed his hands, examining his reflection for hickies in the mirror. Felix was only in a T-shirt and a cardigan, neck open and visible. There was a bit of redness on the side of his throat where Changbin had been mouthing at it, but no new hickies, the few still fading hidden beneath layers of foundation and concealer. That was good: he'd have no way of covering up any marks right now, and Chan had a keen eye and Felix didn't want him asking questions he didn't want to answer.

When he stepped out of the toilet, he could see the room at the end of the hall where he'd kissed Changbin last week. His first kiss. It seemed like ages ago, another life, yet had been less than seven days ago. Had it aged him? Did kisses and relationships and sex really make maturity? Felix didn't feel any different, if you weren't counting the increasingly frequent sexual fantasies about Chan or the confusing thoughts that scrambled through his brain whenever Changbin kissed him.

Felix headed straight for that bedroom, pushing the door open. The tartan sheets he remembered from before had been changed, now a plain grey. A few plushies were piled by the pillows, and a box sat next to the bed, a blanket and several cat plushies at the bottom. Chan had told Felix this was Wooyoung's house, so logically, this had to be his bedroom. Why did it look like he was in the middle of moving in or out of his room?

The walls were bare, messy piles of paper on the chest of drawers, bookshelf half empty, paperbacks tipping forward where books had been removed. A police jacket hung on the wardrobe door, hanger poked through the wardrobe door handle, a hoodie advertising some taekwondo place in Namhae-gun carefully balanced over the shoulder of the police jacket. The room looked a lot like Felix's did back in Sydney. Was Wooyoung moving out? He couldn't just have moved in--the rest of the house was too thoughtfully decorated and full of trinkets. And the box and plushies hadn't been here when Changbin had kissed him in here on Sunday. So what was Wooyoung doing?

Felix turned to leave, shutting the door behind him. He didn't want to risk getting caught snooping, not when he was barely in the friend group, if at all--were he and Jisung even proper friends yet?

Felix trudged down the hall, pausing when he spotted a lone figure in what he presumed was Wooyoung's parents' room. The door was half open, and Felix crept closer, wondering who would be up here alone, away from the party downstairs.

Chan leaned against the windowsill, the room dark but for the moonlight and lights from the party coming in through the window. It cast Chan's face in shadows, outlining his profile with a glow. It was unfair how beautiful he was in every light, how delicately strong and effortlessly put together he always looked. Felix wanted to reach out and trace his fingers over every part of Chan's skin, outline him like was drawing a map of Chan's body for himself. Felix knew Chan so well, had literally grown up with him, but he didn't know Chan's body--it was the one uncharted territory, off limits by nature of a platonic friendship, and Felix wanted to explore every inch of it, leave no part or Chan's skim untouched. He always had, even at thirteen, fourteen, before he even really understood what it meant to want someone like that.