Managing the Swans

Chapter 5

During one of their breaks, I watch as Ushijima has a conversation with the only first year on the team. They both glance up at me multiple times before Ushijima climbs the stairs and stands in front of me, one row down. His shoulders hunch as he lowers himself onto a knee resting on the seat, he looks almost small like this. I stay silent as he thinks for a moment, opening his mouth to speak then frowning and closing it again. With a small nod he comes to a decision.

"Please tell me if I am crossing the line." His eyes flick up to mine and hold my gaze. "A member of the team, Goshki, would like to talk with you. No expectations to become a part of the team."

I keep his gaze for a moment longer before searching for Goshki on the court. Just as I find him, he snaps his head away, rejoining a conversation with the other players around him. Studying him for a moment, I think over my options. He seems nice enough that I'm not worried about being around him, but if I start talking with him the rest of the team may take that as an invitation for themselves.

"Fine, I'll have a talk with him. But no talk of me being manager and it's on my terms." His face relaxes. Movement on the court catches my eye, the break must be over. "And this isn't an invitation to the rest of the team. Just Goshki. I'll let you know when I'm ready for the rest."

He gives me a nod. "Sounds good. If he gives you any trouble you can tell him to stop, he'll listen. Same for any of the others."

Sitting through the rest of practice I can't help but worry about what Goshki is going to do. I've really opened myself up to danger here, we'll be alone, who knows what's going to happen. The whistle sounding and the rush of footsteps out the door breaks me from my thoughts, signalling the impending interaction.

_*_*_*_

For the first time I'm waiting for the volleyball team to come out of the locker room after practice. Usually, I am long gone by now, leaving any potential for conversation well behind me, fearful of what it may bring. But here I am, standing within sight of the door, waiting for Goshki to exit, hoping he will be the first.

Glancing up, the external door to the locker room swings open. I hold my breath waiting to see who is about the step out. Time almost slows as a body comes into view and it takes me a moment to recognise who it is. It seems that I am in luck as Goshki is the one to step towards me, his gaze facing the ground, too nervous to meet mine.

"Miss Carpenter, t-thank you for agreeing to speak with m-me." His words are rushed and hard to understand, my Japanese not quite good enough to easily understand. "W-we can go somewhere else, wherever you feel comfortable. I-I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

In the moment it takes me to answer he shrinks into himself, quite a feat for someone so tall. "How about the stables, I need to start the horses anyway."

A nod is the only response I get before we move off in the direction of the stables. A glance back to the door greets me with a face peeking out around the door. From the hair alone I can tell that it's Semi. He gives me a quick thumbs up before stepping back inside and closing the door. Well at least they don't seem to be trying to follow us.

The walk down to the stables is silent and awkward. Our arrival is greeted by the horses in the upper paddocks calling for their dinners. Goshki follows me as I open the main doors and grab the first lot of feed to place into the stables. I'm expecting him to start the conversation but a glance towards him tells me everything I need to know. He is absolutely terrified.

"You're the one that wanted to talk to me, so what can I do for you?" His body jolts, focus snapping up at my voice.

"U-um yeah, sorry Miss Carpenter, I'm-I'm not very good at this." He starts to fidget with his hands, gaze darting all over the place. He stumbles over his next words until they are nonidentifiable.

Without speaking, I hold a handful of buckets out towards him. His hands react immediately taking them from my grasp. He follows me as I start tipping the feeds into the stables.

"I ... I don't have any true friends here, and certainly no girls who want to talk to me for me. All anyone wants when they talk to me is an in with the team, a way to get popular, get close to one of my teammates. I just was hoping, with how you don't react to us the way the other students do, that I could have someone outside of the team to talk with, as me."

I'm silent as I finish off the last stable and think it over. Goshki shifts on his feet, the stack of buckets in his hands. I can feel the awkwardness rolling off him, his fidgeting only increases the longer that I am quiet. He takes a breath in and opens his mouth to speak but I beat him to it.

"Wow. Aren't we a pair." Confusion takes over his expression. I turn until I am fully facing him, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. "Did you use that because you knew that I don't have anyone either? You have your team; I have the horses. The difference is that you got popular, I get called a freak or a servant."

My words seem to shock him, eyes widening. I ignore him for the moment, letting him have a chance to think it over. He's the first person that I have told of the treatment that I get from the riders here, I'm not sure what I think of that fact, that I have not felt comfortable around anyone here. But I guess that if I am thinking of joining the team, I want to know how they will react to the others student's treatment of me.

"Well, that got a bit depressing." My statement snaps his back into focus. "I guess I wouldn't mind having a friend. And call me Bella." I give him a small smile before taking the buckets, stepping around him to put them back in the feed room. "So, how comfortable are you with horses?"