LIFE'S SUCKS

3

"She's doing well," the doctor said, his voice reassuring. "She just needs to rest and take her medication regularly."

"Oh, thank you so much, Doc!" my sister exclaimed, her voice filled with relief.

"It's alright, Ms. It's our job to care for every patient," the doctor replied, his tone professional yet kind.  "I have to go now."

"Yes, Doc! Thanks again," my sister said.

"My pleasure," the doctor replied, a faint smile gracing his lips as he turned to leave.

_____

"Oh... thank God you're awake!"  She rushed to my side, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice raspy from disuse.

"What happened?  I should be asking you that!"  Her tone was sharp, laced with a hint of anger, and I braced myself for the inevitable lecture.

"Bakit mo 'yun ginawa?" I stared blankly at her.

"What?"

"Anong 'what'?  Don't play dumb with me.  Bakit mo 'yun ginawa?"  She repeated her question, her voice rising in frustration.  I was completely lost, having no idea what she was referring to.

"I don't know," I mumbled, my voice barely a whisper.

"Bakit ka mag-suicide?"  Her words struck me like a bolt of lightning.

"Pardon?" I asked, bewildered.

"You know what I'm asking, Arny.  Answer my question."

"I really don't know.  I didn't try to kill myself," I insisted, my voice gaining a bit more strength.

"Didn't?  Eh ano ang mga ito?"  She grabbed my wrist, forcing me to look at the scars that marred my skin.  I averted my eyes, shame burning my cheeks.

"It's just for fun," I stammered, desperate to come up with an alibi.

"For fun?  Do you think drinking coke and biogesic is fun?  Do you think that helps?  Did your pain disappear when you cut yourself?"  I couldn't meet her gaze, my throat constricted by a wave of guilt and shame.

"I didn't know it was biogesic.  And I realized too late that the liquid in the bottle was coke.  It was an accident.  I didn't do it intentionally," I said, finally admitting the truth.  My eyes remained fixed on the window, seeking refuge from her accusing stare.

"And these cuts?  Did the blade fly off and cut your veins by itself?"  I bit my lip, speechless.  I gulped, my throat dry.

"Arny, if you have a problem, I'm here.  You can talk to me," she said, her voice softening.  I still couldn't look at her.  I just wanted this conversation to end.

"Hindi mo kailangan umabot sa ganito," she continued.  Her words, though meant to comfort, only fueled my anger.  I felt a surge of heat in my chest, a familiar tightness in my throat.  Tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought back the urge to cry, especially with someone watching me.

"Pwede mo akong lapitan at kwentuhan..."

"May magbabago ba..." I whispered, my voice barely audible.