Emily fell first, JJ fell harder
jj and emily are sophomores in college and their room selections got messed up. emily wanted to room with Elle while jj wanted to room penelope. instead they have to live with each other. will one night together tur...
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One month later (2nd Semester) January 31st Emily's POV
I got back from classes a few hours ago and I'm rotting my time away in bed. It's been a little bit over 2 months since JJ and I broke up and it's been over a month since we last spoke. Our last conversation being at Rossi's birthday and I told her she wasn't worth loving.
I didn't mean what I said. I guess I just wanted to hurt her. I was hurt that she wouldn't take me back but she had every right to feel how she felt about our situation. I was just hurt.
I gave up trying and I just accepted the fact that I fucked up and JJ deserves more than me.
My mom put me into therapy when I got home for winter break and safe to say, she was not happy with me when she found out the reason why we broke up. I think the only person in the world that might've loved JJ more than me is my parents. They adored her. JJ called my mom 'Ellie' all the time instead of 'Elizabeth' and my mom loved it.
When I told my mom and dad the whole story they looked at me with such disgust in their eyes. My dad is a very successful business man so it's hard to get him around but I did indeed manage to disappoint him the second he came around.
~ Flashback ~
"Why don't you invite JJ to stay for the weekend?" My mom asks, she loves JJ. I don't know how to tell her what happened. My dad settled down in the living room next to us. "How is JJ, we miss her." He says.
"We... uh. We broke up." I look down. Both of them gasp afterwards. "Really?" Dad asks and I nod my head.
"Oh sweetie we are so sorry." My mom says. "What happened??" She hugs me.
"I cheated." I say and she immediately lets go of me.
"You what?????" Dad asks. "I cheated." I say. "With who?" Mom asks. "Elle." "Wait... forgive me if I'm wrong but isn't that the girl who was like bullying JJ and making fun of her sister?" Dad says. "Mhm." I say.
"I want the whole story. Now." Mom says.
I explain to her the whole story, in full detail. Not leaving anything out, ending with our last conversation being an argument and me telling her she wasn't worth loving. They sit in silence afterwards.
"You need help." Mom says. "No mom, JJ doesn't want to be back with me I don't need help with her again." "No you're going to leave that poor girl alone. You need help like therapy. Why would you say those terrible things to her after you did something so disrespectful." She says.
"I don't know." I say.
"Emmy that's a new low for you. I think you should seriously consider talking to a professional because this isn't you." Dad says.
~ End of flashback ~
I got into therapy and I guess it has been working but I am still a hot mess. I don't know myself anymore, I don't know who I want to be anymore. All I think about is JJ and the fact that I don't even know how she's doing anymore. She has me blocked on literally everything and I have not seen her at all. I miss her so badly but I know I blew every single chance of having her again. And I have to live with that.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JJ's POV
I'm sitting with my team on the soccer field right now doing team workouts. Technically since I'm a senior I don't have to do them but every other senior decided to so I thought why not.
Winter break wasn't particularly fun for me as I spent every single second in bed crying over Emily, then crying because apparently I'm unlovable according to Emily.
Sometime between then and now I reminded myself that I have a future ahead of me and I need to start working hard for that future version of me. I also needed to work harder for the younger version of me, I need to make all of them proud. I'm not saying I'm over Emily, I still love her. I know it's been a lil over 2 months since we broke up but it's hard to fall out of love with someone I loved for two years.
But unfortunately I need to start living for me and not her.
I still am afraid to show or express love to anybody, friends, family, literally anybody. And I don't believe anyone who says that they love me.
The word love makes me want to crawl up into a bal inside my closet and never come out. I associate the word love with leaving. And I don't know how to stop.
As I'm sitting in this stadium I look into the empty stands and I think about the moment I looked up and saw Emily cheating. Then every single second of our relationship replays.
Move in day-brownies-our first kiss-us becoming girlfriends- our first time-I love you-Philly-vacations-graduations-summers-birthdays-picnics-dates-kisses-comforting each other- loving each other.
One picnic from junior year sparks my mind. Emily and I laughed, singed terribly and danced around a field. We fell into each other's arms and died laughing while kissing each other and telling each other how much we love each other.
Then I think to our picnic in the beginning of last semester. She wanted to propose, I was trying to find a word bigger than love to express my love for her and we were genuinely happy.
She held me like she was never going to let go, she was going to make me hers forever. She cared for me and treated me like I was the only girl in the world.
